


Waiting for Mr Kim

by neitherawake, photomaton



Category: K-pop, YG Entertainment | YG Family, Zion.T (Singer)
Genre: Cheating, Love Triangles, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 11:01:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 27,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14187465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neitherawake/pseuds/neitherawake, https://archiveofourown.org/users/photomaton/pseuds/photomaton
Summary: Mino decides to cheat on Haesol, his long-term boyfriend, and he has his reasons for that.





	1. Part One

 

Mino thought that it all started from Haesol's one-month conference abroad, because if Haesol wasn't absent Mino wouldn't have found neither time nor the courage to do this kind of stupid thing.

He and Haesol had been boyfriends for so long a time Mino couldn't even recall the day they had first met, as if it had been always the two of them and nothing before that. Haesol stood out in all of his important memories, all birthdays, Christmas parties, New Year's Eves and anniversaries. Family get-togethers and the events taking place in the hospital. Haesol was the only person the thought of whom stopped Mino from getting into trouble, his serious stare from behind the black, thick-rimmed glasses, eyebrows furrowed in a constant expression of judgement.

Observing Haesol pack a suitcase with neatly folded clothes and documents divided into binders and folders, each of them with the description of its content on the front page, Mino stood in the doorframe and wondered what exactly the view made him feel. Sometimes he imagined that Haesol would pack himself just like this and move out, without saying anything but letting Mino silently watch him depart until his silhouette would be no longer recognisable from afar. But the years had passed and they still lived together, and there seemed to be no possible way this long-legged, blond-haired stranger who was Mino's boyfriend would leave him.

He stirred the cocoa in his cup before saying, "Will you miss me?" and only between finishing to fold one shirt and starting to fold another, all of Haesol's shirts kept in a perfect state of no stains and no creases, in the wardrobe ordered by colour and fabric, Haesol replied:

"You know I will." Haesol's voice made the sentence sound like something obvious Mino should have known about prior to asking.

"Will you call me every day?"

Having finished with another shirt, the black, dotted one that he had worn for the last year's meeting with Mino's parents, Haesol straightened his back and looked at Mino, with a brief smile crossing his plump lips and the glasses at the very edge of his nose. He said, jokily, "You won't need me to call you every day." Then he lifted one hand, and with the back of his index finger pushed the glasses up his nose. That was what always attracted Mino to the man. His small gestures, sexy and mysterious. The lean figure of his body. His voice when he whispered and laughed. His longish hair as he tucked it behind his ears or ran through it with his fingers. But Haesol was forever staying out of Mino's reach.

He turned out to be right about the calls. Mino wouldn't need them.

So maybe it all started from Mino's new intern and the moment they got introduced to each other, January, Monday morning, in the main office with the smell of the coffee machine filling the air. Mino worked in the hospital and was supposed to be Taehyun's attendant for the first year of the young man's work. Taehyun. That young, handsome man with fresh sparkles in his eyes, who firmly shook Mino's hand, a knowing smile on his pastel pink lips. Mino realised the thing instantly. He had missed being flirted to and the feeling of someone actually trying to endear to him, impress him. It was an opportunity he didn't want to miss.

Back to the bedroom, standing with the cocoa in the cup, Mino watched Haesol close the suitcase and carry it to the corridor. When he passed by Mino, Mino could smell the man's strong cologne that he had once considered so extremely sexy and which now felt like a tease. A reminder that Haesol was unreachable, only drifting farther and farther away while staying right next to Mino, at an arm's length.

That was when Mino decided he would do it. He would cheat on his boyfriend during the month of his conference abroad because he had no other choice. Because Haesol wouldn't even kiss him goodbye before closing the door.

 

 

 

 

The thing about Taehyun that seeded the idea in Mino's head and let it grow with time was how simple the man seemed. Achievable. From the very beginning, the way Taehyun sent Mino smiles and spoke to him when they were alone, the way his posture changed in acknowledgement of Mino's presence, there could be no mistake about his intentions. For some reason, he was interested in Mino, and Mino in him, their conversations quickly gravitating towards flirt as they spent most time together, work hours, lunches, breaks. The opportunity presented itself.

Tuesday, the day after Haesol left the flat with his neat luggage, showing no emotion, betraying no thoughts, Mino met the intern on his way to the hospital's entrance. There was a booming smile on the young man's face as he quickened his pace to close the gap between himself and Mino, hands in the pockets of his brown coat, a backpack hanging from one shoulder. They greeted each other and Mino felt his own lips stretch into a grin. Taehyun had a middle parting, and the fringe of black hair fell in curls down his forehead, partially covering the eyes and giving him an overall look of carelessness that might have not been desirable for work in the hospital but which Mino found totally charming.

He asked, "Ready to save lives?" as Taehyun came up to him and they both continued the walk to the hospital. Despite the question being a joke, Taehyun frowned.

"You mean, another day of answering phones and rooming patients." His voice was bitter in a comical way and Mino couldn't stop a brief laugh. They walked through the door.

"I'll see if I can get you to attend at a surgery, but can't promise anything."

The words made Taehyun's features soften. "All the interns are dying to see some real action. I'm one of them. After those two weeks I feel like I'm less than a nurse here. Completely useless."

Mino let Taehyun walk into the lift first. There were three more people inside, one of them in a wheelchair. Mino said, "Everything takes time. Comes gradually."

The lift moved and Taehyun sighed, running fingers through his black, messy fringe. Mino watched him do it, perhaps a little too closely. "Yeah, I know. I guess I'm just not patient enough for that, Mr Song."

And the way he pronounced the words, "Mr Song", it got Mino thrilled each time it happened. Now, he played with the keys in the pocket of his jacket just to get himself distracted from the young man's face, those heart-shaped lips and long eyelashes. It was long ago that his conversations with Taehyun had lost the professional, mentor-student tone that he had established with every other intern. Here, he just liked saying things that made Taehyun smile. "You're a surgeon. You must be patient and steady." And he was also pretty determined to fuck him.

Taehyun smiled confidently as he walked out of the lift. "I will be. I just need an occasion to show off first." Mino followed his steps down the corridor.

A couple days ago, he had realised that he perceived Taehyun mainly through the lens of how much he differed from Haesol, through the collection of little things Taehyun did and small details of his appearance that contrasted him with Mino's boyfriend. Taehyun said things he really thought and easily showed his emotions, be it happiness, excitement, tiredness or disappointment, so Mino could read them and react to them properly. It was a pleasant change, to be finally able to communicate.

And when Taehyun turned his head to catch Mino staring at his butt, he responded with a sexy smile that played round his heart-shaped lips for a minute or so, innocently, making Mino only more convinced about his plans.

 

 

 

 

The first time they kissed was in a lift, a message from Mino's side which left Taehyun red-faced and half-secretly smiling all the way down the corridor and to the patient's room.

The thing about Taehyun was that the man never stopped himself from looking directly into the other person's eyes, into Mino's eyes. He always exhibited the same interest as when observing a surgery. Used every opportunity given to him by Mino to develop an eye contact, the longer the better. And then later, the moment they both had a break and found themselves alone in an on-call room, the place where doctors got to sleep between urgent messages about saving their patients' lives, things happened quickly and by a single look. Mutual agreement shown in a split of a second. Taehyun was the one to initiate an open-mouthed kiss and wrap his hands around Mino's neck, his steps forcing Mino's steps, forcing both of them down onto the sofa where they would soon free themselves of their uniforms.

Years of living with Haesol, when you never knew at which point of the game you would get rejected, taught Mino how to manoeuvre perfectly patient and alert, aware of each touch. But it all seemed to mean nothing now, with the intern kneeling in front of him and waiting to be taken doggy style on the sofa. Taehyun didn't ask questions. He didn't have to say anything. The way he trembled under Mino's touch, the way he giggled and panted, it all made Mino as excited as he couldn't remember himself being since a long time. The smell of plastic and detergents around them, thrusts made in a hurry and Taehyun's voice saying Mino's name, Mr Song.

Only when they were already finished and Taehyun stood beside the sofa, pulling his briefs back up his slim legs, time slowed back to normal. Taehyun said, "I thought I should make a point now," in a serious tone, fixing his hair. Mino assumed that he didn't want the sweaty stands to betray him when he would leave the room. For Mino, everything about the man was screaming sex.

"Yeah?"

"I wanted to let you know that I didn't sleep with you because you're my superior and I expect something in exchange." He briskly fastened his belt and locked his stare on Mino, dark hair falling back into his eyes. "I'm not like that. I just really find you hot."

Mino was looking up at Taehyun from the sofa, turning the upper part of his uniform to the right side. "You're hot too. For an intern."

When Taehyun smiled again, his eyes turned into cat-like slits, slight crinkles appearing around them. He looked young. Mino still couldn't get used to the fact that the man looked so damn young and willing.

"When I saw you first, the first day here, in the hospital, I knew I would be in trouble. That sexy attendant I would work for. But you didn't look like the type..." He trailed off. Mino thought that he must have meant the type to recklessly fuck an intern between surgeries, hoping none of the patients would require an urgent help and no other hospital worker would try to come in. He shrugged his shoulders and put the uniform on, covering his naked chest.

For a moment, they fell silent, only collecting the last pieces of their clothing in order to get back to looking normal. Completely normal. It was just a quick fuck. All Mino needed two and a half weeks before Haesol's planned return from the conference.

He checked the time on his wrist watch before saying, "You can leave first. I'll join you later."

 

 

 

 

Haesol possessed a certain grace of holding a cigarette in between his bony fingers and letting threads of smoke out of his chapped lips, Mino had to admit. Even when it was cold outside, raining or snowing, and the man's lean body trembled in the wind, Haesol acted too stubborn to say no to a cigarette. Mino's memory was full of scenes in which he had to wait for his boyfriend before going to a certain place, surrounded by a cloud of smoke escaping Haesol's mouth and nostrils. Waiting with him in front of a chapel, on Mino's sister's wedding. Waiting with him before the entrance to the house, Christmas at Haesol's parents', minus thirty degrees.

Of course having finished medical school, Mino would be the one to constantly remind Haesol of how smoking kills people, but Haesol, his arms crossed tight, hands red and stiff, would only motion with his head towards the door. He would say, "You either stop or leave me alone. I mean it."

So it took Mino a moment to shake the thought off his head at the sight of Taehyun leaning with his back against the wall. They were at the hospital's car park, late in the evening meaning the end of their shift. In the deep gloom hovering over the car park, clouds of smoke appeared to be almost white before Taehyun's face. Through the clouds, Taehyun noticed Mino approach, interest growing in his eyes. Mino said something about how smoking kills people, and Taehyun laughed. They stood for a moment without speaking, and Mino realised that even cigarettes smelt different with Taehyun.

They had been sleeping with each other regularly now, in different places inside the hospital. Bathroom cubicles, call rooms, offices. The stupidest Mino had ever been. That was how it went. Stealing kisses from Taehyun between operations, and answering calls from Haesol after coming back home. Touching Taehyun in a call room, later phoning Haesol to check on him, gradually less often. Haesol's calls were the kind of half-silent moments with the receiver by Mino's ear, when he could only hear Haesol's breathing but no words were spoken by either of them. When he walked through their flat and brought things from one to room to another. After half an hour of a phone call he wouldn't get a single piece of information about Haesol's conference, about how it went, how was Japan, how Haesol liked it there.

Haesol's long-distance breathing and reluctant replies made up Mino's long and lonely nights with a glass of whisky or valerian tea, when he really hated his boyfriend and at the same time wanted him back home as soon as possible. When he missed the hospital and its sounds, detesting his bedroom and the moonlight falling onto the floor boards. When he would fall asleep on the couch, with the glass between his thighs and in the last day's clothes, getting them wet right after waking up.

But back to the hospital's car park, to Taehyun's pink lips around the cigarette, Mino thought that there was nothing vindictive towards Haesol in the way he really needed to cheat on him. And as the darkness outside deepened and the orange sparkled at the end of Taehyun's cigarette, feeling the car key in his pocket, Mino had to ask the question.

"Can I take you home?"

What followed was a few-second-long surprise on Taehyun's face, before he considered and asked, "Mine or yours?" making Mino smile. Taehyun smiled as well, but the hesitation was palpable. "Isn't that a little against the rules of our purely sexual relationship?"

"I'm not proposing a date. I just thought that for once I could fuck you in a bed. Is that against the rules?"

Now, Taehyun's smile broadened. It seemed like he really appreciated denying it the quality of a date. He took a drag on the cigarette before saying, "Sure then. You can take me."

And it became a regular thing too. Taking Taehyun home after work, as the man clearly didn't have any other things to do or other places to be at. A week and a half to Haesol's planned return.

 

 

 

 

It might have been that they first met in some club or at some party, their mutual friends introducing them to one another. Haesol might have had his round glasses before his eyes and Mino might have asked some stupid question about them which was supposed to be funny but really wasn't. Haesol might have thought him stupid and his steady stare above the sunglasses might have made Mino feel stupid. That was likely.

He didn't remember when exactly he had fallen in love with Haesol, for what reason and at which point during their kind-of friendship. He only recalled the way Haesol one time commented on his job. A surgeon, that's very impressive. He sounded like someone whose compliments were worth twice as much as anyone else's and that was why Mino so damn wanted to get to know him better. Hear more of those damn-expensive compliments. He was two years out of school, a surgeon beginner looking for a place to live in and people to live with, coming to parties to relieve the stress from poking around in human guts. Haesol was the kind of guy you think you see for the last time and perhaps never again.

But now, five years of being boyfriends later, entering the flat they shared together like long-term couples usually do, he still wasn't sure if he knew Haesol any better. Most of the time he was a silent loner hidden in his study for eight hours a day, leaving only to get himself a glass of tea or visit the bathroom. By the kind of steps he made against the floor boards, Mino knew if he wanted to be noticed or not. When Mino could ask a question and when he wasn't allowed to. Only once the work was finished, in the evening, wearing his long, grey bathrobe, he would come to Mino himself and Mino knew if he expected a talk or a kiss. If they were about to do boyfriends stuff or not yet. But other times he had no idea what was on Haesol's mind.

As he was thinking of it all, Taehyun left the bathroom, reached the kitchen and opened the fridge without a moment's hesitation. It was the third or fourth time he was there. What Mino really liked about Taehyun was that Taehyun never asked any personal questions so their conversations had never breached the subject of Haesol. Mino suspected if he was the one to start some talks Taehyun would quickly follow, but as he didn't start, Taehyun didn't follow and they both knew next to nothing about each other. Not like Mino needed any more information.

"I'm sorry I've called you your first name today in front of the nurses," came Taehyun’s voice from behind the fridge door. He took out a bottle of beer and closed the fridge. "I hope it won't get us in trouble."

"It won't. No worries." Mino came up to the kitchen island. Ironically, Taehyun had taken Haesol's chair and was now sitting on it with his ankles crossed behind the leg. His hair still damp from the shower, he had only a towel wrapped around his waist just like Mino liked seeing him best.

"Sometimes I forget that I must be super formal with you." He tried to use the bottle opener but quickly gave up and handed it to Mino. "Plus you're not really helping me."

Smile on his lips, Mino opened the bottle with a hiss of bubbles. "I'm not?"

"You shouldn't be so sexy, Mr Song."

And just as their eyes connected in a flirty way, and Mino leaned against the island with the muscles in his arms tightening, there came a phone call. Haesol. The obligatory hour of boyfriend talk that he had managed to completely forget about in the heat of the moment.

Taehyun's question came just as Mino took the cell phone out of his pocket. "Perhaps your wife?"

Mino frowned, first not fully understanding. He shook his head no. "Boyfriend. That's just my boyfriend," to which words Taehyun smiled in a knowing way.

"You should answer then."

Half a week before Haesol's planned return.

 

 

 

The same melancholic ballad Haesol heard in the taxi was still stuck in his head when he climbed up the stairs, one hand occupied with a luggage, the other tapping the melody on the metal banister. His overly lean figure was hidden under a dark brown coat, so long that at times it brushed a step or two. The leather bag hanging from the man's shoulder swung back and forth and his vision was slightly blurred through the horn-rimmed glasses that were beaded with rain.

His trip had ended sooner than expected, so soon that he didn’t even have time to notify Mino of it, which was already rather unusual. In his life, Haesol liked things to be neat and orderly, predicted and pre-planned. But despite his best plans, this time the situation changed and Haesol was coming back home to make a surprise. That seemed what many people, couples especially, found pleasing.

Haesol knew that his lover was home when he reached a park nearby and saw a light on, fourth floor of the block of flats, the window on the furthest left, just next to a very obnoxious balcony full of flowers that their neighbour had always had and obsessively looked after. They were renting the place for as long as he could remember, at first as young and experimental, not-really-defined couple, and now – as a pair. Two grown men.

Before unlocking the door, he fixed his collar, pushed his glasses up and brushed his nose against the cologne on his wrist, checking, to make sure of a trackable smell.

He entered the apartment quietly, not expecting Mino to instantly come and greet him, because that was not how they did it. They always took time with everything. Even on occasions when both parties wanted something else.

Now that he closed the door behind himself with a single click, it once again crossed his mind that he wished they had a pet to clearly express its affection. Four paws against the floor and the happiness pouncing on him right at the doors. That was a small thing, an idea he hadn't yet shared with Mino.

But it got cut short as a sudden, “You are so early tonight again," reached his ears, a sentence Haesol did not expect to be greeted with. Because first of all - he was never early. And second of all, instead of saying something unnecessary like “welcome home”, Mino would take Haesol’s bags out of his hands, often give a smile or attempt to give a kiss before walking away to the kitchen to make him a drink.

And the thing was, that voice sounded nothing close to the pleasing deep baritone with a hint of raspiness whenever his partner was tired. The man in front of him wasn’t Mino at all. What stood in the middle of their kitchen was some half-naked skinny boy with bare feet and a lightly beige shirt on.

Suddenly, everything before Haesol grew still and frozen like a single picture. His thoughts sharpened and eyebrows furrowed as the mind attempted to adapt to the situation, quickly looking for the right tools for scrutiny. He put the luggage down onto kitchen counter and, without saying anything but keeping the boy pinned under his stare, he took the steps to leave the room and look for Mino. Hear him somewhere else in the flat.

The boy just stood and looked, as if Haesol was the one intruding, a bag of peanuts in his hand, the same one Haesol had bought for Mino one night he called and begged to bring him snacks on the way home. He had smooth legs and a very model-like face completely different from Haesol's, and it was almost too easy to notice he was someone Mino's type to have sex with.

The voice came again, this time changed, "He isn't home. I mean, he hasn't yet come back." A few rushed steps of bare feet against the floor boards followed Haesol to the corridor. "By the way, I'm Taehyun."

Haesol found himself closing his eyes and heaving a deep breath before facing the naked boy. Taehyun, huh.

He walked a little closer, many thoughts going through his head now that he knew Mino wasn't home, one of them, surprisingly, suggesting a punch or a slap. His eyes looked closer at the figure in front, almost scanning, while Taehyun stood completely calm in the frame of the kitchen door, clearly waiting for a response.

“Take off your shirt.” Haesol’s face didn’t even twitch, gaze only seeing the fabric and texture.

A small giggle followed and the boy named Taehyun ran a hand through his hair, lips curled in an almost naughty way. “Wow. You are way faster than Mino.”

Haesol harshly tugged at the shirt at the side and Taehyun wobbled, his chest bumping the taller’s. “That’s my shirt. Take it off.” He could feel his jaw lock itself and it was rather painful. Everything was painful.

“Right. Are you guys playing some sort of game?” Taehyun freed himself and took a step back. “Because if this is a role-play we’re doing, I want to know.”

“What.” Haesol couldn’t even allow himself to make an effort into forming a question. He wanted the boy to leave so that he could have the time and the space for his thoughts to be sorted out.

“You are Haesol, right? Mino didn’t tell me that you’d be coming back tonight,” Taehyun said that with such an ease, as if Haesol was meeting his neighbour in the morning next to the mailbox, chatting about today’s weather. Only that he winked too. “I’m up for fun, but maybe some drinks first? Before going to business, I mean. You must be tired and we really don’t have to, if that’s Mino being adventurous.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Haesol furrowed his eyebrows not because he didn’t know, but because the mere idea of this gave him a sickening feel. “You think I want to have sex with you?”

“The request of removing my clothes kind of implied it, yes.”

“Those are not your clothes. This is my shirt and I want you to take it off, put on whatever you were wearing before he touched you, and leave. Am I being clear enough now?” It took Haesol’s all will to hide the rage, sadness, hurt, betrayal. It took his all to hide something he hadn't felt much before.

“Fuck. You didn’t know.”

 


	2. Part Two

 

Mino walked straight into the kitchen, his jeans winter jacket on, fur collar round his bare neck and a hat on his head, only a few strands of black hair peeping from underneath it. He was holding a take-away in a plastic bag and seeing Haesol sit at the kitchen island, he stopped in the doorway, the other hand in the pockets of his trousers, boots leaving poodles on the floor boards. Haesol could tell that the arsehole had clearly expected someone else. Seemingly just like always but somehow completely different, his boyfriend Mino coming back home.

After a longer pause came, "You're back," and Mino tried to sound surprised in a pleasant way, but the final effect was the contrary. Offensive. "How was the conference?"

Neither Haesol nor Mino moved from their positions, as if having no intention to perform a hug or kiss that could turn out awkward, only keeping each other at a safe distance with their eyes. They both knew what was about to happen. The question dissipated in the air between the two of them before Haesol took a deep beath and decided there was no point playing. "I've met your intern," he announced.

Mino's mouth opened to produce a, "What?" Charming as usual.

"That black-haired boy. Here, in our flat."

And then it snapped and something in Mino's face changed at the sudden realisation of the subject. He closed his mouth and after a momentary hesitancy walked forward to take the seat opposite to Haesol, hands clasped together, elbows propped on the man's thighs. "You mean Taehyun."

Haesol didn't comment.

"Let me explain it."                       

"I expected you to be smarter than that. Having sex with an intern and risking being dismissed from job if anyone caught you. Let me guess. The opportunity presented itself and you couldn't say no?" In just a second, Mino's eyebrows furrowed and the expression changed on his face. He was no longer apologetic. Now, it was clear to Haesol that the words had offended him.

"I said let me explain it," he repeated firmly.

"I would have never thought that you're one of those guys. Is your intern that bad at the job he has to spread his legs for you?"

"He's not doing this because of the internship."

"And you think he knows that?" Haesol's upper eyelids half closed, he finally looked up and squarely into Mino's eyes, pinning him immobile just where he sat at the opposite side of the island. Words arrested on Mino's lips. "Let's get this out of the way. You did have sex with him, is that right?"

"Yes," Mino's response came immediately and then, as if feeling obliged to add something else, he said, "More than once."

"Is he the first one?"

"What?"

"I'm asking if he's your first lover or you had others before him that I didn't know about."

Mino let out an annoyed sigh but still replied obediently, "I didn't. Haesol, please."

"When did it start?"

"After you left for the conference." Anticipating Haesol's further questioning, Mino quickly continued, "I didn't want to risk you noticing and meant to finish that before you come back." Haesol's eyes wandered off again as he rose from his seat, picking up an empty mug he had been sitting by. The chair produced a loud screech against the floor to which sound Mino, still wearing his jacket and hat, frowned.

"I'm sorry to have stopped your elaborate plan then." It was already with his back to Mino that he said the words, and they were followed by a single miserable laugh that somehow climbed up Haesol's throat and rushed out his mouth against his will. Struggling to keep his face inexpressive he felt almost physically tired. "Take the damn jacket off unless you're leaving now."

The mug was placed in the sink. Haesol turned around to look at where Mino's figure was still hunched over the island. A prolonged silence. He felt very conscious of Mino's every glance and the way they all outlined his body in a wordless observation. Perhaps he was thinking of the younger guy. Haesol certainly thought of him now.

Mino first removed the hat, pushing it off his head in one angry movement and placing on top of the kitchen island. Then it was the jacket's turn, not like Mino was taking it off just for the sake of it but more like following Haesol's order. It felt reassuring. To some extent, but not completely. And because Haesol didn't know if Mino really understood what it was all about, he asked, "Is this a break-up?" Quickly rephrasing into, "Are you breaking up with me, Mino?"

That was all about Haesol's reaction. A quick interrogation.

 

 

 

 

When Mino woke up, it was still dark and his phone showed the time to be past two am, meaning he had only had three hours of an awful sleep. He knew Haesol wasn't there moments before he actually reached to the other side of the bed to feel the sheets cold and untouched. The only light he could see while rapidly blinking his eyes was a thin, pale beam against the floor boards of the corridor. That's how he knew his boyfriend was still awake.

It would have been stupid of him to expect Haesol to simply share the bed for the night, but it still came with a degree of surprise to watch the rejection unfold once again. Along with bitterness and guilt, that is to say.

He slipped out of the bed, careful to any noise that could reach his ears from afar but hearing only that of his own bare feet making their way towards the source of light. It reminded him of the many nights Haesol had sleep problems. That was a year ago, or two, he couldn't quite pin down the time. Haesol had always been more of a late sleeper but back then even the pills weren't enough to make him fall asleep. He spent those hours in the living room, in their old flat with that leatherette buttoned sofa handed down from Mino didn't remember who, old and smelling of cigarettes. He was wearing the oversized bathrobe and watching TV with the volume turned down to the point it was barely audible.

It felt weird to sleep without Haesol snuggled by Mino's side so he would wake up every few hours, uncontrollably, just to drag himself out of the bedroom and check on Haesol, unaware of how many times he had already done it before. He would force his eyes open and come up to the sofa, one hand lazily combing the mess of his hair as if it really mattered what he looked like at one am, three or five.

When he leaned over the back of the sofa, Haesol would place a small kiss on his unshaven chin, saying things like, "You've already come here twice," and Mino would say that he didn't remember anyway. He would sit next to Haesol and they would stay for some time in the same pose, the two of them before the TV that Mino genuinely couldn't hear. Maybe Mino would fall asleep against Haesol’s shoulder, or they would both. Or Mino would go back to the bed, half remembering that it all happened the following day. They exchanged kisses, on the neck, cheek or forehead, and with their sleepy voices said to each other love yous and other things, with the TV colouring their faces blue or white.

But back to now, to the kitchen island, Mino could smell the cigarette smoke and feel the cold air coming from the open kitchen window that rose the hair on his neck. He knew Haesol heard him cross the doorstep but didn't turn around to look at him. Exactly in that moment, he realised how much he missed him through this month.

"You're not going to sleep?"

Reasonably, Haesol didn't respond.

If that was any other occasion and the thing didn't concern Mino fucking with his gorgeous intern, he would quietly step back and leave Haesol alone. But now, the truth was he really wanted to know how angry or disappointed Haesol was in him. He needed a conversation. To be yelled at. A big argument with all the cards laid on the table. Virtually anything. He thought that maybe after those five years that was the exact time for it.

"I will never meet with him again, if that's what you mean."

Haesol moved. Tension made his body straighten in the chair. "You work with him. Don't play stupid."

"I can take one of Seunghoon's interns instead."

No reply.

Suddenly feeling perfectly awake, Mino made a few steps forward just to have a better look at the profile of Haesol's face, his nose, jaw, neck. Beautiful like when they first met. The kind of guy you're afraid you're not going to find a way to see again after he disappears among the partygoers. He couldn't tell if his small eyes were closed or he was staring straight ahead, at the sink. Sometimes he had them closed when speaking. Or when he thought about things carefully.

"Please, go to sleep, babe."

He could almost hear Haesol take in a sharp breath, his hands wrapped around the mug. "If he hadn’t introduced himself, I would have assumed he was a prostitute. That's what he looked like."

Mino crossed his arms in a defensive pose, taking the comment as an insult but also feeling like he deserved it. He quickly searched through his thoughts to find the right thing to say. "You won't see him again."

Haesol nodded.

Perhaps they both knew in that exact moment that it wasn't possible.

 

 

 

 

He did expect his meeting with Taehyun the very next day to be quite an awkward experience yet what he didn't expect was the giant wave of cowardice he felt at its approach. Throughout the whole morning, he avoided speaking to Taehyun, looking at Taehyun and, the most important, being left alone with him in one room, instead meandering round the hospital without any apparent purpose and without rest. Part of him thought about Haesol. The other part realised he might not be strong enough to say no if faced with flirt from Taehyun's side once again. His thirty-two-year-old self turned out to be pretty thirsty for attention and touch. So he delayed the confrontation for as long as he could.

Then Taehyun caught him anyway.

"You're avoiding me," Taehyun's voice came from where seconds before came the sound of the door being closed. Mino froze with a patient's medical record in his hands. They were alone for the first time. "I'm feeling guilty. Can you tell me what happened? Mr Song?"

Maybe it was because Mino suspected that Taehyun was a nice person aside from being a great lover that led the whole conversation after that. Mino turned around to face the intern and pushed the white sleeves up his arms, in need to do something with his hands. "That was my mistake. Not yours," he announced first.

Taehyun kept a few steps of a distance that, it might have been the case, were what Mino really needed at the moment. "What did your boyfriend do? Did you break up?"

The thought made Mino shiver and he hugged himself with his crossed arms. "No, of course not. He's a... reasonable man. We've been together for like five years. You don't just, hm, break up like this."

"Oh, wow." For a brief moment, Taehyun's face showed a kind of awe that made Mino feel pretty good with himself despite being an awful boyfriend. The funny pair of thin eyebrows quickly moved around the boy's forehead. "I've never been with anyone for this long. I mean, I'm not good at relationships at all. Not that it's an excuse." He produced a nervous laugh. Mino hadn't seen him act this way before.

"You're young."

"I know."

"You'll find someone... one day."

"I have to be patient and steady, right?" Taehyun moved two steps to the left and leaned against the wall, watching Mino at the other end of the small on-call room. It suddenly felt like the on-call room was everything and nothing outside of it existed. Mino took a deep breath. "I wanted to say that I'm sorry and I really made a stupid move. I thought that you... hm, you had a different kind of relationship."

Mino frowned. "Different kind?"

"Many gay couples your age prefer open relationships." Before Mino had a chance to ask where that idea came from, he continued, "I'm not making an excuse. I just misunderstood you and I'm sorry about that. I think I offended... Haesol. A lot."

Mino closed his eyes at the sound of the name, bringing one hand to rub fingers against his temple. It felt really wrong to hear it leave Taehyun's mouth. His idea of keeping the two men in two separate worlds eventually turned out to be just an illusion. And he was simply stupid. "He's not that easy to offend. Trust me."

"But he seemed pretty angry. I mean, I was wearing his shirt. I'm sorry about that too. I shouldn't have touched your things." He stopped and then, at some sudden thought, brought the pair of keys out of his pocket. Instead of giving it to Mino, he put it at the table beside him, careful not to make a noise. "I guess he wouldn't like to know that you gave them to me."

"He's not the kind of guy. He's not," Mino hesitated, looking for the right words. It crossed his mind that describing Haesol, as well as saying what didn't describe him, wasn't an easy task. "He doesn't simply get angry about things. He's clever, level-headed and maybe a little unsociable. But he doesn't get 'angry' about things."

Taehyun quickly shook his head. "I'm not saying anything. I don't know him."

"So what happened when he met you?"

"He wanted the shirt back. Obviously." Mino's eyes squinted as he imagined the scene, waiting for Taehyun to go on explaining it. Arms still folded over his chest, he hunched forward, as if to hear better. "He told me to get the hell out and gave me money for a taxi. A gentleman move." He produced another nervous laugh but Mino didn't react to it.

His face perfectly serious and eyebrows furrowed, Mino said, "I promised him I wouldn't meet with you again."

"Well, five years is quite an investment, right?"

"And that's really hard to do," Mino felt almost surprised at how easy it was to tell the truth to Taehyun. Things seemed much easier in general with the younger man present. His face showed the whole range of emotion in response to new information, satisfying all of Mino's needs for attention. For instance now, Taehyun smiled, taking it as a compliment. "I wouldn't like to break any promises. We love each other with Haesol. And we're doing just fine."

Another emotion showed on the younger's face. A slight disappointment, almost unnoticeable. "I'm sure. I'm not going to come between you."

And with the way Taehyun tried to cheer Mino up, make it all easier, stop him from doing anything stupid, Mino knew there would be no way to prevent the problem from escalating. He realised, perhaps in that exact moment in the on-call room smelling like plastic and patients, that Taehyun wasn't just someone to provide Mino with what Haesol couldn't. Mino liked him too much.

 

 

 

 

A memory Mino had. From the first year of their relationship, a few months after he moved in to Haesol's flat, that small place with the leatherette buttoned sofa. Haesol a speech therapist and him a surgeon beginner. All of their friends called it a perfect match. Winter, December. Unlike Mino, Haesol was quite a family guy and wanted for the two of them to visit his parents on Christmas. Mino said sure, no big deal, but the truth was that totally caught him off-guard.

Already on their way to Haesol's hometown, dark and snowing, with Haesol behind the wheel and some jazz station on, Mino said, "I'll be honest with you now." Taking a glance at Haesol's profile, "Babe, I'm shit-scared. I think I've just realised that."

Haesol unglued his eyes from the windscreen, just for a moment, to peer from above his big, black glasses at Mino sitting hunched by the door, head in the palm of his hand and elbow propped against the armrest. "What's the problem? You don't want to go?"

Mino immediately shook his head no. "I've never met any of my exes' parents." After giving it a thought, "I can't be even sure they had any parents to begin with."

Back to looking at the road, Haesol produced a brief laugh. He was wearing a high neck top and a scarf thrown around his neck, and seemed pretty cosy inside Mino's car, more while driving than watching Mino drive, to be frank. "They're going to like you a lot. You have nothing to worry about."

"Who else is going to be there?"

"My sister and her fiancé. Some uncles and aunts. As usual."

"And you thought it a good idea to bring me to all of this?"

Haesol was still smiling from where Mino could see it, but his voice turned serious. "You said you would spend the holidays alone. What else did you expect me to do?"

In response to that, Mino fell silent. He watched Haesol's fingers tap against the wheel to the music that Mino had long forgotten was playing as it was so quiet. The road cut through a forest and it would have been quite a romantic moment to throw a dirty joke or two if Mino wasn't so damn nervous about the whole thing. After thinking it over, he came to just the right question. "When did you come out?"

Haesol lifted his eyebrows and his fingers stopped tapping the wheel. "Oh wait, let me think." And while he thought, Mino realised he would have to answer the same question. Boyfriends stuff. Telling things to each other and being honest. "Sixteen or seventeen. I broke up with my first serious girlfriend and had a talk with mum. It sort of came up." Mino nodded. "You?"

"Last year, I guess. Not that I really convinced them or anything."

Haesol gave him an honest look. "You want to talk about it?" Mino shook his head no.

"Did they, hm, your parents I mean, did they meet your other boyfriends? You're twenty six. There must have been others."

Haesol cheered up again, slightly amused by Mino's behaviour. Mino was pretty sure he would find that funny as well if only he could look at the scene from the outside. "One of them. I think one."

Because part of Mino couldn't stop the curiosity, he went, "What happened to him? Did you break up?" and spotted the way Haesol momentarily furrowed his eyebrows in reaction.

"Nothing unusual. We had different expectations from our relationship."

Mino backed out. "Do you want to stop for a cigarette? I have your lighter in the jacket."

Instead of responding, Haesol's right hand found its way to Mino's thigh, giving it one reassuring squeeze before coming back to the wheel. "No need to worry. It's going to be great. Trust me."

 

 

 

 

A week later Mino rented a hotel room.

He didn't know if the way Haesol acted since coming back home was silent treatment in response to Mino's infidelity or just the regular state of their relationship, which would be even worse. To be completely honest, he found himself surprisingly indifferent.

They came back to sleeping in one bed but Mino wasn't allowed to wrap his arm around Haesol's waist. He attempted three times, more and more delicate, and each of them his arm ended up shrugged away without a word of explanation. Just another rejection in a never-ending cycle. Mino was used to it.

He blamed himself, sure thing, but more than that he blamed his stubborn boyfriend. And so one day, morning, during breakfast, he announced a meeting with Seunghoon. Haesol knew they worked together and had already met the man on numerous occasions throughout the years so it seemed a logical cover in the situation. Haesol didn't even lift his eyes from the morning newspaper at the announcement. Holding the corner of the page with one hand, he continued reading, perhaps not paying the slightest bit of attention to Mino's words.

It might have been just about sex. Mino was already a man in his thirties and he had his needs when it came to physical intimacy. It might have been just about sex but while looking at Haesol's reaction or rather the complete lack of it, he wasn't sure anymore.

At work, he and Taehyun had stopped with the looks and flirts for the whole week because Taehyun must have believed that it was something Mino wanted from him. Then Mino told him about the hotel reservation.

"Remember when you said about guys my age and open relationships? I think that's what I and Haesol need."

The moment he said the words he really believed in them.

Standing by the closed door, arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed, Taehyun didn't look convinced. With his longish black hair neatly tied up and the uniform buttoned, he looked even more sexy in Mino's eyes, and since they were alone in an on-call room, like many times before, Mino made two steps more to close the distance between them. "And Haesol knows about that?"

"I've made the decision myself." With one quick move Mino pulled the hair tie off, letting Taehyun's hair fall around his face. Then he ran his fingers through the black strands. Taehyun didn't seem to oppose.

"I wouldn't like to end anyone's relationship. So if he doesn't--"

Mino cut in, "We made a mistake the last time but it won't happen again. Now we have a hotel room. Some privacy. He's not going to look for us there."

The expression on Taehyun's face showed that the man didn't quite like the explanation but nevertheless allowed an open-mouthed kiss to happen, Mino's hands firmly taking hold of his chin. After a week of separation, Mino found himself more needy than before. And he realised that the way Taehyun didn't want to hurt Haesol's feelings only turned him on.

So already in the hotel room, hours later, wearing a pair of jeans and drying up his hair with a towel, Mino checked his cell phone for any messages from Haesol. There were none. From the tiny bathroom included in the room was still coming the sound of Taehyun continuing his shower. After they fucked for the second time. Taehyun's beautiful, slim body under the running water, wanting every touch Mino had to offer. Things Mino really cared about.

But when Taehyun joined him on the bed, the atmosphere changed. Mino was fidgeting with the remote control, trying to find something on the old TV that stood at the bedstand.

"Today, you've really outdone yourself, Mr Song, I have to give you that." Taehyun threw his arms around Mino's neck and a few droplets of water fell onto Mino's naked chest. The man didn't react. "I can still feel your big cock stretching my arse and that's amazing. You have to trust me on that." The words seemed like something Taehyun would casually say with no real intention of being dirty. Mino switched the channel again. The cell phone was lying on the bed beside him and it made Taehyun realise something he had forgotten about more or less three hours ago. He quickly changed his tone. "Did you have a call?"

The reply came immediately. "No, he didn't contact me." Taehyun couldn't tell if the man was pleased with the fact or rather the opposite. He decided to be a little bit bolder.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, taking his arms away and instead of hugging the man from behind, sat cross-legged at the edge of the bed. He watched Mino's face focused on the TV, eyebrows down and crinkles crossing the forehead. The light of the screen made him look even sharper.

Mino didn't respond for a longer moment, stubbornly switching the channels but not finding anything worth stopping at. Or perhaps finding but switching despite that. Unlike the moments ago, when he fucked Taehyun against the tiled wall of the shower, now he looked calm and thoughtful. "I don't want to say we have problems with Haesol because that's only me who has any."

Taehyun made a single murmur to let Mino know he could continue.

"I don't want to talk about it. I've already wasted too much time thinking of it."

 

 

 

 

Legs stretched on the sofa, laptop on his belly, couple of plastic coffee cups on the floor and a completely blank document. That was Mino’s state for the past hour, just maybe hair turning messier and messier with each drawn sigh. Somewhere in the distance, he heard clattering and Haesol’s slippers make a sound against the floor, but other than that, his head was buzzing with thoughts, or lack of them, about procedures, patient charts and routines.

Being a surgeon was an adventure with adrenaline filling every sense the moment you stood in front of a patient with your scrubs. Fascinating and dangerous. But being a senior attending mostly meant reports, explanations and hospital bills. Somewhere, along the way, the fun had disappeared. Until recently, at least. Now his days as a surgeon consisted of stolen touches and frantic runaways to hotels. And many many lies.

“…pointless anyway.” Haesol’s voice reached him only then.

“What did you say?”

Haesol paused with whatever he was looking for in his wallet and glanced back at Mino, the action making the blond strand of hair fall on his forehead. The scene which would have ended in Mino fixing that strand, once upon a time.

“Doesn’t matter much, but I was just trying to let you know that there is some food in the fridge, and that nice wine my patient’s mother gave to me, just in case.” He dropped his gaze and started taking out cards one by one, inspecting. “And also that some of your clothes are still in dry cleaning.”

All Mino did was sigh. This was not the day to get schooled by Haesol, not with the mix of workload and fatigue he had. “Got it,” he quickly murmured, which didn’t seem to reach Haesol at all since his long fingers were still too busy with his wallet. Mino then sighed again, putting the laptop to a side and sitting up, as he grabbed a card from a nearby coffee table. “Looking for your passport?”

Those seemingly strict and calculating eyes of Haesol’s quickly ran through Mino’s frame, before setting on the card. When the man stood up, all tall and dressed in black, Mino had a quick thought of how unbelievable it was for this to be someone working with children, every single day. He always wanted to see, but he was never allowed to, so imagining Haesol in any other character than this was impossible.

“Thank you.” The smile that crossed Haesol's lips was the automatic kind, like when you thank a shop assistant or say hello to someone you barely know when passing them by, part of Haesol's being a man with manners. But still, made him look handsome as always.

“When are you coming back?” Mino was sure he missed that part of schooling too.

Heasol slightly turned and checked the wall clock before answering with, “I don’t know.”

“I don’t know?” Mino furrowed his eyebrows and shuffled to the edge of the sofa, so Haesol was in his reach. Just in case. “What do you mean ‘I don’t know’? In a month? In a week? When?”

“Mino, I said I don’t know.”

Mino had to quickly stand up, time going faster by couple of seconds. “What does this mean?” Without even realising, he grabbed Haesol’s hand, which he could feel would slip away instantly if it wasn't for the strength of the grip. “You are coming back, right?”

Haesol looked at him silently, his eyes serious and maybe just a little bit disappointed. “If you listened to me, you would have heard me say that there is no date set for the final conference as we are not sure of the attendees’ number.” He looked at their linked hands and shook his head. “I think it will be more than two weeks, just like the last time.”

Embarrassment flushed through Mino, a millisecond long relief irrelevant now. Because for a small moment, he thought that this was it. And that small moment scared him. It was embarrassing to admit and to imagine Haesol understanding that. There were too many things unclear, undone, unsaid and he needed more time, but also couldn’t stay away from a young intern. “Okay.” He cleared his throat, feeling the warmth reach his ears and neck anyway.

“And,” Haesol started, letting go of Mino’s hand. “Make sure that he doesn’t touch my belongings this time. I don’t like it.”

This one sentence changed everything. A second of closed eyes later, Mino shot a sharp glance at his partner, breath catching in his throat and the emotions roiling through his mind in an almost paralysing way. From all of them, only one was the strongest and Mino could no longer deny it. He was angry. Pissed off.

After all of this acting normal, telling him about food, patients and dry cleaning, things Mino must have been too stupid to remember about, Haesol still had to claim the victory. Make it official that he had won. Because he knew, of course he knew like he always did about everything and everyone, and he had to make sure Mino knew as well. Let him feel like a damn fool once again before leaving the shit behind for the next who knew how many weeks. A god damn speech therapist. Always more time for work than for Mino.

One last time he tried to contain the anger but the words rushed out of his mouth without his realisation. "How about sometimes you shut up and think about what I need? Why everything has to be according to your fucking rules that you don't even bother telling me about? Why everything always has to be about you?"

Only hearing himself speak, he understood the words, but they didn't matter even half as much as Haesol's reaction did. The way he furrowed his eyebrows. Lowered his eyelids. Moved the corners of those damn thick lips into an expression of distaste. Like he felt offended not by Mino's actual words but by the mere fact that he had dared to say them.

"I need to pack my things, Mino. We don't have time for that now."

"And why is that so? Because your schedule tells you we don't?" If there was one way in which he could gain back some dominance, that was it. Yelling and taking quick steps towards Haesol while extending his hand in an expectant way. "Give me back the damn passport. You're not going anywhere."

Haesol took a step back, Mino another one forward, and just because Haesol didn't actually believe that Mino would make the move, he managed to wrench the wallet from his unprepared hands. Haesol's eyes shone with annoyance but still, he didn't even budge. Mino held the wallet up between their faces. "Are you serious now?"

"Stop ignoring me."

"So you continue screwing your career god knows where but I am the villain here?"

"How did you know?" It wasn't even necessary for Mino to mention the name.

"Seunghoon called me to ask how you were and why your phone was off. Maybe next time you should make sure this doesn't happen.”

He was mocking him.

In that exact moment in time, Mino hated his boyfriend with the greatest passion he had ever experienced and that was all he could think of. Throwing the wallet to the floor, one quick move, he made his both hands free to cup Haesol's face and hold it still before pressing a strong kiss against the man's open lips that were ready to send another mean comment. A muffled moan. Haesol let it happen. Still kissing, they both stepped towards the wall, four, five steps, unsteady, until Haesol was pressed against it, his chin still held in a tight grip. There was no resistance and only because Mino ran out of breath, their lips parted.

Mino's hands slid down Haesol's throat and to the man's shoulders, feeling the heavy breathing under his fingers. Haesol wasn't looking at Mino. He had his eyes closed and forehead creased by a frown.

Mino won and he expected a prize.

"If that's what you need, I think you should keep seeing him." Mino's hands stopped moving. "Just do it properly. So I’d know where you are and what you are doing, and so that I wouldn't... bump into him." A longer pause. "Don't do it again, Mino. Don't lie to me."

And only then Mino realised it wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear.

 

 

 

 

The scene Mino remembered was not of one particular moment from the past he shared with Haesol but rather the same situation that had happened to them repeatedly and in Mino's mind blended into one. It perhaps started differently each time but always had the exact same ending that he couldn't escape thinking of.

It might have been a couple of months ago or a couple of years. In Mino's memory, it was only him who really wanted it to happen, while Haesol allowed it to happen or even initiated it himself but always stopped midway through it. Haesol got him turned on, by his gestures, looks or clear flirt but then pushed him away.

In this memory, they walked into their bedroom almost blindly, bumping into things on their way, glued to each other, holding each other's bodies and kissing with those loud, wet noises following them. They wound up on their bedroom's bed and while still kissing, Mino's hands ran around Haesol's body, slim or rather skinny, small-framed but not yet tiny, hidden under layers and layers of one or two size too big coats and jackets, baggy shirts and sweaters, and big scarves thrown all over it. Unpacking the body from under each of the layers of simplest clothing defence, for Mino it was forever a trip to the unknown. After all of the previous attempts, he had already developed a certain mechanism that stopped him from going to the next layer unless he carefully scrutinised his boyfriend's reaction first.

If Haesol looked aroused, if he still had his eyes behind the glasses shut tight in pleasure, then he could go to the next step, and step by step, he always followed the same pattern anticipating problems on his way. After each time he was convinced he wouldn't stand the situation repeat itself. He got rid of the shirt, put it aside on the bed because Haesol didn't like the clothes to be thrown around the room just like he didn't like being too rough with them in case of tearing off a button or two. So with the shirt already away, he could go next levels down, along the jaw, picking speed at the neck and then slowing down to the chest, tracing the bones with his kisses and stopping at the nipples to give a longer moment for each of them. Haesol would allow him to choose the pace but it never felt like Mino could decide on anything. He couldn't leave any love bites because Haesol hated those and Haesol's hand in Mino's hair would always stop him from kissing too much. And learning from his mistakes, Mino tried not to pressure at any point.

But then it would happen anyway. When he finally got Haesol completely naked and lying between the pillows, the skinny body arched into one of his sexy poses, hard just like Mino was. Mino's finger would trace that certain spot he craved to know better and Haesol would instantly back away. He would say something like, "Can we not go through this again."

First year of the relationship Mino kept telling himself that it was just that Haesol wasn't ready to do it with him. Then he realised Haesol might be a virgin. And that he might not be interested in doing it at all. But as they never talked about it, he had no clear explanation.

Sitting at the edge of the bed, his erection subsiding, elbows against the knees and not looking at Haesol, he felt just the embarrassment.

He heard Haesol's body sit up and move closer to Mino but without touching him. He would ask, "How about we do it with my mouth instead," and it was because of this voice, full of pity but at the same time sounding like he didn't really care about Mino's reaction, that made Mino feel even worse.

They never talked about it.

If Mino crossed some invisible never spoken of boundaries Haesol would just finish the whole thing. He would get his pile of clothes and leave the room, leave Mino inside the room, to go take a shower. As if he felt dirty with Mino's kisses.

Mino liked to think it was not just about the fact they had never really had sex, not that part with Mino being inside of him, but strictly because he didn't know why. What Mino couldn't stop thinking about was that he simply wasn't able to satisfy Haesol.

The first time it happened and he didn't ask Haesol any questions, he knew he was cursed with forever repeating the exact same reaction. He was locked in the loop of rehashing. If after those two weeks, seven months, five years he tried to do something differently, it would feel as if he was betraying himself and he just couldn't force himself to.

 


	3. Part Three

 

The rules were Mino had to keep Haesol informed about his meetings with Taehyun. Send a message whenever the two were heading to a hotel or whenever they would drop by their flat during Haesol's absence. He would never say explicitly that they were going to have sex, but "I'll be late today" meant exactly this.

While sitting in his office and waiting for the next patient, that kid who was always late because of the ballet classes or the one who always cried before the session, Haesol thought about Mino. The folders were piling up his desk, toys lying on the long-hair carpet, and the letters of "Welcome to your speech therapist", every letter in a different colour, looked more and more lopsided and faded each day. He received the messages when talking to his assistant, or filling the documents or standing by the coffee machine, one hand squeezing the coffee cup a little too hard for a moment too long.

It always took him minutes of staring at the screen of his cell phone, motionless, as if he had expected for the messages to suddenly change, or disappear altogether. He was angry. Of course he was angry every time this happened. He would slip the cell phone to the pocket of his trousers, dismissively, and go back to drinking the coffee, or filling the documents, or waiting for the ballet kid to come in, as if nothing of importance had just happened.

It had already been more than a month since that argument and that kiss, and Mino saying all the things he had said. And the worst thing about Haesol's anger was that it didn't aim at anything in particular. He wasn't angry at Mino. Or not only. It was a free-floating emotion that he had to shoo away like a flying insect each time it got too close, just like the image of that boy wearing his shirt. Then taking it off, then taking the money and heading to the door.

The second time they met was on Wednesday.

He'd got used to finding Mino already in bed, falling asleep as Haesol would always take his time coming back, not knowing how much of his absence was required for the things to wrap up. And so that night he figured that an earlier appearance wouldn’t hurt.

Or so he thought when he walked into a seemingly empty apartment. The lights were on, but other than that, he couldn’t hear a single sound. He looked down, almost sure that a favourite pair of Mino’s shoes had gone missing, or was replaced by another pair. Neat.

Haesol’s steps were slower this time, calculating, giving it some time for them to maybe hear. To look appropriate. But it wasn’t until he reached the living room that he felt a breeze. And of course, there he was, standing all clueless and well-dressed in the balcony. Taehyun. Silently smoking, one arm slouched over the railing, back completely relaxed. It was a pretty view, Haesol could only imagine how pretty in Mino’s eyes, this young skinny man standing in the darkness was.

Clearing his throat seemed the right thing to do, but before he could even say his well-prepared “good evening”, Taehyun turned around, eyes widened and a panicked look appearing on the face. He quickly put out his cigarette and got out of the balcony, fixing his hair.

“Shit. This… I didn’t mean to have you find me like this again.” He walked past Haesol, into the kitchen, picking up his phone and checking the screen. “Mino didn’t tell me you were coming back. I would have never stayed.”

Haesol looked at the sorry expression Taehyun had and realised this was not how he wanted for the things to go. If he gave his consent to make Mino happy, he had to be ready to play nice too.

"It’s alright,” he said.

“No, that’s completely my fault. I lost the track of time.”

"It's actually my fault. According to the schedule," here he made a nervous move, as if he was pointing at the said schedule hanging behind his back, "I was supposed to be home in four hours, but I finished earlier and have to scan some documents." Suddenly realising the opportunity, he continued, "Also, by the way, I'm sorry for the last time. I wasn't myself. I didn't mean to yell at you."

The apology visibly made the man calmer. He half smiled awkwardly while watching Haesol take off his coat, one hand running through his dark hair. After that, there was a prolonged silence, nothing in the flat making any noise, meaning that the two of them must have been alone. There was no specific smell around, and nothing about Taehyun's looks gave any hint of what might have happened not too long ago. And then, the silence, Taehyun's question cut through it.

"Where do you work?"

Haesol froze. It took him off-guard because it was the very last thing he had expected to be asked about in this very moment. Still standing in the doorway, Taehyun noticed his reaction and shook his head.

"You don't have to answer. If that's against the rules, I didn't know." He sounded so serious and sincere it made Haesol feel even more embarrassed.

Playing for time, he hung his coat on the hanger and picked up his leather bag, opening it and searching through the documents while heading towards the kitchen, towards Taehyun. He tried not to be too obvious about his observations but nevertheless gave the man a long, careful look - slim, pretty, clean, just like the last time. He didn't know what to say, so once he dropped his eyes back to the documents, he said what was the easiest for him. "I'm a speech therapist."

Taehyun took a step back to let him enter the kitchen, back leaning against the doorframe. Then again, nothing was being said. Taehyun didn't move and made no noise as Haesol walked around the table and towards the counter, taking one mug. There were two more, dirty in the sink.

He felt weird, alien in his own flat, and the thought annoyed him a little. Part of him was offended by the fact that the man didn't leave him alone, just like Mino would know he had to do, but another part, that more reasonable, told him that Taehyun must have been expecting something more from Haesol. Some kind of order. Should he go away, were they waiting for Mino. Where was he even. But instead of that, he took his time to boil the water.

When he finally moved around, Taehyun stirred, caught staring at him. "I should be going."

It wasn't exactly a statement, but neither was it a question.

"I suppose you should." Haesol opened a tin with coffee. "I'm back home."

But then both of them stood motionless. He didn't know why Taehyun would stare at him like this, but he surely stared at him back, scanning his looks carefully, now that he was given another opportunity to do so. Pretty eyes, heart-shaped lips. That's the kind of guy his boyfriend would flirt with. Easy-going.

A bang of the door made them both slightly flinch, gazes finally disconnecting.

“I really didn’t know what to get. They were so busy.” Mino’s breathless voice rang from the hall. “I wasn’t sure… Oh.” He suddenly went silent and Haesol turned to grab the boiling kettle, not really certain how to welcome his boyfriend home when his love affair was standing just a couple steps away.

That was how they first met as three.

“Hey.” Mino sounded strict now as he walked into the kitchen. “I didn’t know you’d be back so soon.”

Haesol didn’t turn around. He filled his mug to the brim. “I have work to do, I can’t delay it.”

It would have been a comic situation, Taehyun standing silently, his stare going from one man to another in an impressive speed and Mino, still holding his take-away bag, jacket halfway undone, eyes scrutinising his boyfriend.

But Haesol knew that whatever happened next was up to him. Mino seemed to be waiting for his action and tonight it was really not his intention to upset him. It never was.

He had the leather bag under his arm and with his hands was now holding the hot mug of coffee as well as a folder with documents. “Don’t worry, I only made some coffee. I’m going to work on my documents now. I didn’t plan to disturb your dinner, really.” Then, addressing Mino exclusively, he added, "I've sent you a message. Half an hour ago?" the point being to push the blame away from himself and show that it was Mino who didn't keep up with things. "You didn't see it."

Mino repeated after him, "No, I didn't see it." He put down the bag on the counter, making it seem as if Haesol was really just interrupting a date.

And being this unwelcome, having Mino hostile and not the least happy to see him back, broke Haesol even further, if that was possible.

“There’s enough. You should stay. I am the person who should leave, not you.” Taehyun's voice cut through the silence. He had the pair’s eyes on himself. “The food from this place is amazing, by the way.”

“I’m fine.” Haesol looked at the bag. He and Mino were never into take-aways much. They were quite a healthy pair, cooking together if there was time or going for dinners. Sex and fast food as a follow up was so adolescent that Haesol just couldn’t get it.

"No, seriously. I have to go. It's late anyways, and I would feel like a piece of shit forcing you out of your own kitchen like this."

But Haesol didn't play by the rules and didn't intend to reply. He shrugged his shoulders and simply left the kitchen, heading towards his study, from where, with the door shut behind his back, he could hear the two men speak in low voices. The date continued.

 

 

 

 

Taehyun spotted Mino from afar.

His broad shoulders under the white coat, his confident gait down the hospital corridor with one hand in the pocket of his trousers and the way he shot the finger gun to every person on his way as a way of saying hello. Always looking energetic. Ready to stop any moment for a quick talk with a co-worker or one of the patients. The kind of physician you want to meet so that you won't feel a tinge of worry because you can't imagine him bring you any bad news.

And then he spotted Taehyun as well.

He dropped his head a little and scratched his neck as he continued moving forward, straight to Taehyun's awaiting figure. Obviously, he couldn't now pretend not to have seen him. In Taehyun's eyes, Mino wasn't the kind of guy to avoid obstacles.

"So?" Taehyun felt his lips stretch into a smile. "How was the surgery? You've killed it, right, Mr Surgeon?"

Mino frowned. "A lesson for the future. Don't just throw words like this in the middle of the corridor." Taehyun moved out of Mino's way to then walk on beside him. "But yeah, everything went the way we planned. Smooth." Despite the general bad mood, Mino still looked pretty proud of himself, so Taehyun decided to play along and ask a few more questions just to stroke his ego some more. One thing Taehyun knew just as much as medicine was that sometimes you could get surprised by how much those men craved to be praised.

By the time they reached the canteen, Mino no longer seemed stressed, which Tahyun had assumed to be caused by the two-hour-long surgery. When they were already seated by one of the squeaky clean white tables, Taehyun found it good enough a moment to throw in the question. About something he had been wondering about since the day before.

"Have you talked to Haesol after I left?"

Mino frowned from over the white plastic cup of tea. Having taken a big swallow, he put it down by his plate. "Of course I talked to him. He's my boyfriend. That's like an inevitable part of living together."

With just Mino's voice alone, quiet but sharp, it was clear to Taehyun that the mention of Haesol caused another shift in the mood, straight back to the previous nervousness. When someone passed by their table they both fell silent for a moment.

At the next opportunity of speaking, Taehyun decided to go straight to the point. "I am just confused with this whole situation. One day I am being kicked out and the other apologised to. It's very... confusing." Mino watched him speak with his eyebrows still furrowed, as if he hadn't expected for the subject to continue. "I don't want to come in between the two of you, nor do I plan to interfere, but I just need to know what's happening and if anything has been said about me."

Mino scratched his jaw, eyes running through Taehyun's face. Out of everything Taehyun had just announced, he seemed to pay attention to one thing only. "What do you mean by 'apologised to'?"

"Haesol apologised for being rude to me the first time. He was very calm about it and I don't understand how I am supposed to react. Does it mean I am allowed to be seen by him or?"

Mino made a dismissive gesture with the cup of tea in his hand. "I've told you. That's how my boyfriend is, very clear-minded. Just forget whatever he did the first time, I am sure it was by mistake."

Taehyun looked at him like he expected more details.

"Listen, I will say this the last time, because it's a damn stupid topic. Whatever we do doesn't involve him, and there is nothing to be 'allowed to do'." The last line sounded very sarcastic to Taehyun's ears, some mockery to it as Mino angrily wiped his hands with a tissue. "It was agreed that we can meet whenever, as long as he knows. And he always does. So I think it's safe to say that he doesn't mind you in the apartment anymore."

As the discussion was clearly over for him, the surgeon stood up with his half empty tray, his gaze running Taehyun's figure up and down. The latter got the message and gave Mino an instant half-smile, the kind that he had always ready regardless of the circumstances. He said, "Later, okay? I need to go see my resident first."

Mino's shoulders seemed to ease up a little. Anything related to their sexual activities worked like a spell, Taehyun knew that as well.

"Sure. Just page me."

 

 

 

 

It was all about those older men that kept appearing in Taehyun's life.

Sometimes on his wish, sometimes completely independent from his actions. The older men, almost always in couples, long-term relationships that Taehyun himself had not once experienced in his life. They would hook up online, exchange photos, plan dates or sex meetings, more sex meetings than dates. Taehyun would become their shared lover for a month or two, never more than that. Sometimes, but rather rarely, it would evolve into a triad kind of relationship but not destined to last long and Taehyun preferred it this way. Only once he had moved in to a couple's flat. It took him a few days to change his mind.

Between studying at university and working part-time to pay the tuition, Taehyun would switch from one couple to another, having the undivided attention of two people all on himself until the moment he didn't. Because those older men that kept appearing out of the thin air were his only weakness. He could not stop being someone's second lover. An addition to spice things up. The role Taehyun loved the most.

He checked the time on his wrist watch and continued looking around the hotel room. Friday, one week later. Mino wasn't there yet. A coffee table, small telly, bathroom door, old rug.

But the only rule about the older men Taehyun had was he never took part in cheating. He had never ever fucked with a taken guy without his partner knowing about it. Full stop.

He checked the watch again. Only half a minute since the last time he looked.

But all rules have exceptions and then there was Mino. An exception because he was hot, a surgeon and Taehyun's attendant, and the way he instantly reacted to Taehyun's flirt, the first day of the surgical training, promised everything Taehyun needed to get the hospital troubles off his mind. That single surprised smile.

But there was something off about Mino's behaviour this time. He brought Taehyun a package of chocolates, he talked a lot. Instead of getting naked the very moment he entered the room, loud, heavy steps against the carpeted floor, he asked Taehyun the kind of questions Taehyun didn't allow himself to answer. If he lived alone, if he had any family, what university he had graduated from.

Taehyun's rule number two was he never shared his personal information with his lovers. He kept his sex life independent, never crossing the line between all the other areas of his life. His lovers would usually know about that from the beginning. They would voice their rules and expectations before having sex and no personal data was one of Taehyun's.

But Mino was an exception already, again, because they worked together. Mino was in more than one area of Taehyun's life and they had never explained to each other what they both expected from the relationship. That was why Haesol happened. Haesol was completely against the rules.

He cut midway through Mino's monologue, Mino sitting on one edge of the bed and Taehyun on the other. The chocolates were lying on the bedside table. He asked, "How about I suck your cock now?"

Mino's furrowed eyebrows at Taehyun's question in a way that suggested something Taehyun didn't know about but at the same time didn't do more than just cross Taehyun's mind. The man seemed annoyed when asking, "Why so suddenly?" Taehyun shrugged his shoulders. "We don't need to just have sex. Sometimes we could talk." He made a purposeful pause, searching for Taehyun's eyes. "I would like to know more about you. About the Taehyun that leaves the hospital and goes back home. I'm interested in that too, not just in the sex part."

Throughout the last week it had already happened twice that Taehyun met Haesol in person, in their flat, right after having sex with Mino. And there would be nothing wrong about that, nothing different from Taehyun's usual relationships, if not for that look on Haesol's face. The mysterious angry frown that wouldn't last for longer than just a few seconds because Haesol was damn good at acting. Taehyun knew he acted because he always acted as well. Just like now he acted like he hadn't just suddenly become vividly aware of the fact that Mino was his attendant and he wanted to talk, not just have sex.

"Well," he quickly searched for a reply. Not the kind of reply he meant to give but the kind Mino might have expected to be given. He could act out the horny surgical practitioner, Mino's favourite. "Of course I am interested in you too. It's just that you can't really expect me to talk when we clearly planned on having sex. And I'm too horny to think, let's be honest." He put his hand on Mino's tigh intending to find its way to the fly, but Mino took hold of it.

"I love talking to you. I feel like you really can listen to people."

Those two times he had met Haesol in their flat he didn't instantly leave, rushing to pick up all of his belongings. He would stay because Mino had said that Haesol didn't mind his presence anymore. Each time Haesol offered a cup of tea. The three of them would sit together. Mino would say something and Haesol would reply. Haesol would ask Taehyun a question and Taehyun would provide an answer.

Something Taehyun wanted to say in those moments but really couldn't was that Haesol shouldn't be worried. He shouldn't feel jealous. What he wanted to happen was for the two of them to be left alone for a while so that he could openly announce it to Haesol that he and Mino only had sex. Taehyun wasn't any kind of threat. The two of them loved each other, like every single other couple that Taehyun had met on his way, no doubt about it.

But back to the hotel room and to Mino's warm, firm hand, their fingers intertwined, Taehyun felt Mino's lips on his lips.

 

 

 

 

Each time he and Haesol met they acted out the same scene of things being completely fine in a way each of them found proper. The time their schedules would regularly collide was Haesol slowly climbing up the staircase and Taehyun running down two steps a time as if he had another appointment to be present at, which of course he didn't. Sometimes before the building, Haesol would walk up the pavement and at the same moment Taehyun would open the door and leave the staircase, making a quick gesture of acknowledging Haesol's presence. Or still in the flat, Taehyun taking the post-sex shower and Haesol entering, his lowered voice asking if Taehyun was still there.

Usually through the bathroom door Mino's raspy voice still reached Taehyun audible and clear despite coming from far away in the flat. Then the sound of Haesol taking his long, brown coat off and placing it on the hanger. Taehyun would listen to them exchange words while himself standing on the other side of the door, and with no hurry but careful not to make any noise he would put his shirt on, his jacket, fix his damp hair in the mirror. Haesol would ask about someone Taehyun didn't know or refer to a place Taehyun hadn't heard of and couldn't have. The conversation would be made of a few longer sentences with intervals between each question and answer, a murmur and a grunt followed by more steps, and sometimes Taehyun would just stand there, ready to leave but allowing himself to eavesdrop as much as possible before the moment of raising suspicion.

The kind of guy he really knew himself to be. Not finding any of the men he had been in bed with absorbing to the point of asking questions about them yet just enough to observe.

Only on rare occasions the two didn't see each other at all.

Wednesday evening, their schedules collided by the trash can. The collar of his raincoat turned up, his head backlit by the street lamp, Haesol stood right there and was smoking a cigarette.

"Hello there." Haesol's eyebrows lifted at Taehyun's approach. "I didn't expect you to be a smoker. Got a light?" He could see Haesol's eyes make a quick move to look at the window on the fourth floor before he agreed.

He took a lighter from a pocket of his coat and instead of giving it to Taehyun, brought the flame to the cigarette in Taehyun's mouth. Taehyun leaned in.

As both of them then stood releasing smoke into the cold air outside the block, the atmosphere seemed to slowly establish itself. The surprise disappeared. Taehyun hadn't imagined before that the cigarette in the man's mouth would look so right in its place. "So how was your work today?"

Haesol shrugged. He didn't look too bothered by the question but nevertheless replied, "You know you don't have to talk to me."

"And you don't have to be so serious about it all." The look in Haesol's eyes seemed to express interest. He blew out a cloud of smoke before Taehyun continued. That was the moment. Taehyun had to make things clear. "I know about it more than you do and I don't think you should feel threatened."

The interest turned into confusion as Haesol's eyebrows dropped back down. "About what? Me and Mino?"

"I always meet with guys like you and Mino." Taehyun made a pause for another drag and Haesol watched him frozen in one pose. Left hand in the pocket, right holding the cigarette before his face. They were almost the same height, and Taehyun assumed that of more or less the same figure. Usually the case, those men looked for a younger version of their partners when it came to the physicality. "But I'm always invited and we enjoy it as three. Then we go our separate ways because we all know I'm just a short-term addition. Haesol. I'm just a short-term addition for Mino."

Haesol was now looking Taehyun straight in the eyes with an expression that Taehyun couldn't quite decipher. He was paying attention to Taehyun's words. "You have sex with them and then you're gone?"

"I see it as a little bit of spicing things up. Sometimes it helps their relationships when they add me to their sex life for a few weeks. Mutual benefit." He could see that Haesol looked less anxious when they weren't referring directly to Mino. In the end, Mino turned out to be right. Haesol was level-headed, despite what their first meeting might have suggested. "Do you know what I mean now?"

Haesol shrugged his shoulders again as he dropped his current cigarette to the pavement and stamped it out before bringing another out of his pocket. "That's your charity work?" he spoke through the new cigarette between his lips.

"Let's be honest. I do it because I like it. But it doesn't feel right when you don't know about it. I thought Mino told you."

There was a longer pause before Haesol took the cigarette out of his mouth. "We don't talk much lately. Maybe that's why." Then added, "I just don't want you to cause him any trouble at work. Mino really likes his job."

"I like mine as well." Taehyun stopped smoking for a moment, just watching Haesol doing so. He didn't know if it was something he felt like saying or something he felt obliged to say. "I'm going to be a surgeon. I didn't spend years studying to now fuck it up in a single moment and I don't want you to think that I'm some kind of irresponsible brat just because I like to have sex with people this way and not another."

"Why?"

Taehyun moved his hand in the direction of Haesol's face and the cigarette flickered orange, reflecting in Haesol's glasses. "You have this judgemental look on your face. The same you give Mino each time I see the two of you."

The man's eyebrows furrowed. "I don't have any look."

"There was a guy," Taehyun suddenly recalled, "who really couldn't get it that what was between me and him, as well as his boyfriend, wasn't long-lasting. I mean, sure, we felt something towards each other and it was pretty intense when it first happened. But I was honest. I think they knew what to expect. I just don't get emotionally involved."

Haesol's eyebrows were still furrowed. "Nice of you to think that you owe me this kind of explanations but I'm not going to simply agree with you." Doesn't matter the words, Taehyun liked the fierce expression on the man's face as he spoke them. "You know I never wanted you there in the first place and now I can't get rid of you because I'm worried about my relationship. That's the whole situation."

 

 

 

 

He didn't think it anything secretive but he also didn't tell Mino about his conversation with Taehyun. He assumed that Mino already knew all the things he'd just been told and that it was his right not to discuss the matter again. For a brief moment he looked at Mino as if it was the first time he actually saw him. He should have known years ago.

"The invitation from your friends still stands?" Haesol didn't respond, like be didn't hear the question. "This Saturday? A dinner?"

As he came into the kitchen his focus slowly emerged from behind the thoughts and now he looked around. He always did that, unconsciously. Always searching for the proofs of what happened, and when not finding any, getting even more anxious.

"That's surprising you remember," he commented in an absent voice. Take it or leave it. This shameless thirty year old guy who had never dated another man before dating Haesol.

Mino winced. "Is that your friend from work we're meeting? You said we need to drop by the shopping centre."

Haesol's eyes slid down the floors as if scanning for foot prints. "You know her." His voice was going according to the prepared script. "They have a baby now. It's a girl. We're going to buy her some... Baby clothes."

"Right. We're going to look so stupid."

Haesol's scanning stopped. He looked up. "Are you laughing?"

"Yeah. Because stepping into that baby shop like this we're gonna be so normal." He made a move with his hand. "Stop looking around. We didn't even fuck in the kitchen."

"I saw him leaving."

"Yeah?"

Haesol gave it a thought. "I said hello." When Mino didn't respond, instead staring at the floor just like Haesol was before, he added, "Nothing more than that."

 

 

 

 

One meeting Mino would remember the most.

Taehyun was wearing a pair of high-waisted light blue jeans and Mino thought that Haesol must have noticed it too. They clung to the boy's legs, emphasising the plumpness of his tights and at the same time showing his attractive, narrow waist. Unlike in the clothes he was wearing at work, now he really looked his young age, almost ten years younger than Haesol, in white plimsolls and a short waisted hoodie that would show the boy's belly if not for the trousers. The hood was over the boy's head half covering his eyes as he walked out of the bathroom, something neither Mino nor Haesol would allow themselves to put on. There was a silence in the corridor.

Mino had a collection of memories that were all strictly revolving around light blue jeans and in that exact moment they all flashed through his mind. Their first birthday spent together, he bought for Haesol one pair, extra skinny. Not as much something Haesol wanted to get as a piece of clothing that Mino really wanted to see Haesol wear. His turn-on, watching Haesol's long legs and pretty butt squeezed into tight jeans.

Haesol put away the other present and holding the jeans up in his both hands gave Mino a questioning look with his eyebrows furrowed. "You really think the size is right?"

Mino smiled a mischievous smile from where he sat on the leatherette sofa. "Totally your size. Trust me."

Haesol never found it difficult to read Mino's thoughts so also then, with the skinny jeans, he knew perfectly well what Mino meant by that. Skinny jeans meant flirting, a foreplay, willingness to have sex. They worked as a signal that Haesol was open to an evening session of kissing and cock-sucking, and whenever he put them on throughout the next three years of their relationship it always stood for the same thing.

Instead of saying anything, Haesol would come to Mino in the jeans and they both knew what was about to happen.

But now it was Taehyun who wore a pair of jeans and even though he wouldn't understand any of that, he did notice the awkward silence that continued to reign in the corridor as he finished putting the plimsolls on. Neither Mino nor Haesol would say a word. Then Taehyun left.

 

 

 

 

The day Taehyun met Haesol in the hospital. Elbow on knee, he was sitting with his legs crossed, tapping his fingers against his cheek and looking with a vacant stare down into the hospital hall through the pair of thick-rimmed glasses at the edge of his nose. The position made him look as if he had compacted himself into a smaller size, all limbs intertwined in a weird self-hug.

He didn't look up when Taehyun stopped right before him.

"Haesol. Why are you here?"

Eyes still glued to the floor, Haesol replied with what sounded like a preplanned explanation. "I know he has some operation going on. I'm waiting for him to finish."

Taehyun took a quick look around. No one he knew in the hall. He was holding a bunch of documents under his arm and was on his way to a patient. Typical nurse job since, to his disappointment, he wasn't allowed to see Mino's surgery. "Well. Then you might have to wait much longer than you expect."

Haesol's head, which was propped against his hand, now moved up to look at Taehyun. He stopped tapping with his fingers. "What do you mean?"

"Heart implant. They've started only an hour ago and it can take even ten. Usually around seven. That depends. What I mean is it's pretty pointless to sit here like this."

His words sank in and seconds later, when a distinct expression of sadness creeped onto the man's face, Taehyun suddenly felt confused. He changed his tone.

"What's happening? Did something happen?"

"His grandmother has just died." Before Taehyun could give any reply, Haesol went on, "I know he wouldn't care much but I kind of do, so I just wanted to let him know as soon as I could."

"Oh fuck, I'm so sorry."

The intertwined limbs broke free and Haesol's hunched figure took a new position as he ran the fingers of one hand though his hair. The current state of the blond strands suggested he had done that many times already. Also, that it was raining outside. "It's not about the grandmother. I mean, it is. And that kid who cried our whole meeting, and then the car broke down on a junction. I mean, I just really need to see him right now." Taehyun blinked his eyes. "Is there a way he could leave just for a second?"

"You know there isn't."

"I know. I'm just asking."

They both fell silent, Haesol and his long limbs in disarray staring at the floor, Taehyun looking down at him and feeling this new kind of worry.

As if expecting Taehyun's next question moments before it was pronounced, Haesol spoke up again, "My friend has a baby now and they're very busy with it. They have their own problems." It was a mix of Haesol's cool precision and also the strong emotions inside him as the anger when he and Taehyun had first met. Taehyun now spotted a few years old fashion magazine lying on the waiting chair right next to Haesol's. "Also, I'm not a type to force myself onto people. It's Mino's family."

Taehyun fixed the documents under his arm. "Do you want to talk?" Haesol's eyebrows moved up his forehead. "I'm not busy. We could go sit in the canteen. If you don't mind people seeing us."

The expression on Haesol's face was almost the exact representation of the thoughts that were now crossing Taehyun's mind. Sure, it was stupid. He wouldn't ever ask Mino to talk like this. Perhaps the special circumstances had a lot to do with his proposition.

Then Haesol said yes.

They sat in the patients' section of the canteen as Taehyun tried not to draw the attention of the staff members to himself talking with Haesol. There was a tray with two empty plates on the table they sat at. The general noise of conversations assured Taehyun that it was the right place to come. As Haesol took his seat once again crossing his legs and arms, Taehyun stood by the table thinking.

"Should I bring you something to drink?"

Haesol sighed. "If you buy me another coffee I'm going to vomit. I think I've already drunk four waiting at the mechanic's. Coffee machine. Awful. I regret it now."

Taehyun's confusion grew at every new dose of information from Haesol's side which he didn't expect to be given.

He came back with a bottle of water which Haesol rather than drinking only played with, screwing and unscrewing the cap. "You suit here."

Taehyun looked at Haesol's fingers around the cap. "You mean?"

"You look good in the uniform. If I was a patient, I would feel calm having you talk to me."

"And when you aren't a patient?"

The way Haesol ignored the question reminded Taehyun of the same tactic he himself used in conversations.

"So what does Mino look like working over the surgical table? Is he good at it?"

"That's a nice view. He knows what he's doing and he's really good at it. Obviously."

"I will never be able to see it because I don't work here." A series of thoughts passed over Haesol's face, making his lips and eyebrows quiver. "His grandmother never knew I was his boyfriend. I don't think his parents know either."

"Mino's?"

Haesol shook his head yes. His eyelids were set low which made it look almost as if he had his eyes closed, eyelashes setting two long shadows over the man's cheeks. He had a few moles on his face, tiny ones that Taehyun could spot only now in the bright light of the hospital's halogen lamps. One was under his lower lip. Taehyun leaned with his back against his chair.

"We don't visit them. I don't think Mino had ever been in a relationship with a guy before me. That's why he doesn't know anything about it. You don't know anything about it as well."

"What's there to know?" Taehyun chimed in. Haesol ignored again.

"I'm too old for dating. I don't think I could find someone else who would give me as much as Mino had." Taehyun watched the expression on Haesol's face before throwing a glance at the neighbouring tables. Haesol's voice sounded distinct and absurdly loud in his ears. "Do you always eat your lunch here? It's horrible."

Taehyun scanned Haesol's figure behind the table that looked at some point behind Taehyun's back. His Adam's apple moved quickly.

"Are you nervous?"

"No."

"Your hands are shaking."

"Because of the coffee."

Taehyun leaned in again. He looked Haesol straight in the eyes and Haesol noticed it. "I think it's very sweet the way you speak of him. I don't have anyone to speak like this about."

"You're young."

"Mino said the same. I'm just self-sufficient."

Haesol clicked with his tongue. "Not really." Finally, he opened the bottle and took a mouthful. His eyes went back to wandering around the canteen, scrutinising other people in it, eyebrows dropping and coming back up the man's forehead, until suddenly he leaned towards Taehyun. "Is Mino your only partner?" After a moment of reflection, "I mean, right now. Not in general."

Taehyun felt slightly surprised but also amused. "He is. I'm busy with the training, you know."

Haesol's follow-up question came instantly. "How often do you get tested? I need to see your results."

 

 

 

 

Straight from the entrance, in a distance far off in the back of the café, he was able to make out Haesol's shape seated alone at a round table for two. He opened his bag and shuffled for a moment in order to bring out the folder.

The idea of giving Haesol his STD examination results after all those weeks of meeting with Mino somehow, to his own surprise, excited him, as if he expected Haesol to do something with it in the future. It sent a shiver of titillation down his crotch, now, as he walked past the tables, dissipating the clouds of hot coffee steam on his way. He had the folder clutched under his arm. Staring at Haesol, he waited for the man to look up. It was almost unconscious that his moves became gradually sexier with each inch closer to the man's silhouette. Finally, he stopped straight before the table and put the folder down onto it with a slam of paper. That was when Haesol finally lifted his eyes and noticed Taehyun's presence.

"That's it. The results. I'm clean as I told you." He didn't sit down as he first intended, now seeing Haesol's face in close-up, as uninviting as usual.

Haesol didn't say a word, instead quickly opening the folder, as if he not only couldn't believe Taehyun's words but didn't even hear them. There was an empty cup of coffee by the man's side suggesting he'd been in the place some time already. Only after a moment of looking at the two pages of documentation, the man's expression changed. His features softened and he let out a loud breath of what Taehyun wanted to think was relief.

"See? Nothing threatens you from my side," he said, this time allowing himself a bit of playfulness.

Haesol kept his eyes on the results when he finally spoke up. "I was worried for him."

And that was time to go. It felt good to be coming here and seeing the man, Taehyun realised, but it wasn't as good to be kicked away. "Okay, awesome. So if we're done with this, I would be going. You can keep it or throw it out--" Haesol's voice silenced him.

"Sit down." It wasn't exactly a command, nor was Haesol's voice any louder than his, but nevertheless the phrase made Taehyun instantly close his mouth and take a seat. Haesol's right hand, two bony fingers, moved to point at the menu. "Can I buy you a coffee?"

"Do you want to talk to me?" It was supposed to be a general question but as he spoke it he realised that he was actually hoping for a positive answer.

Haesol waved his hand. "It would be uncivil if I just sent you off like this. And I don't mind talking. I'm trying to get used to you." Before Taehyun could produce even a single sound of confusion, Haesol's hand moved again, this time in the direction of Taehyun's chest. "Take off the jacket?"

"Right." He hung it on the back of his chair. When asked about the coffee again, he suggested the same that Haesol had just had. "Is our meeting confidential?" He gestured with his chin at the open folder.

"If you're asking whether or not Mino knows about it then no. I don't want to give him more reasons to be angry."

Taehyun nodded his head as the fact slowly sank into his mind. They were alone and having a cup of coffee. He realised he enjoyed it a lot.

 


	4. Part Four

 

Two weeks later, out of nowhere and without paying it much attention, Taehyun realised that the situation suddenly became revolving around Haesol. He was stepping down the staircase when the thought hit him. Sure, he would still have sex with Mino, they would work together and talk during breaks, and Mino would keep trying to get closer, but even when taking his cock and kissing his lips, at times, unintentionally, his thoughts would drift back to Haesol.

There was something about the man, there must have been even though Taehyun couldn't name it nor pin it down, that differentiated him from both Mino and all the rest of Taehyun's lovers. As soon as his thoughts escaped the focus, they would easily find their way back to the man in some small details, for tiny reasons.

And honestly, it had never happened to him before.

Only once he opened the door to the staircase and spotted Haesol's figure by the trash can he became aware that he'd been holding his breath throughout the last couple of stairs. There he was. Smoking, just what Mino hated the most.

When he came up, Haesol took out a lighter and waited for Taehyun's cigarette. Starting from their meeting in the café, they began talking more and sharing their stories with each other, little anecdotes, facts from their personal life. It was the exact same conversation being continued once or twice a week as they met smoking, the moment Taehyun left Mino alone in the flat. Haesol had this way of speaking, slowly, sounding as if he had everything he wanted to say already prepared in his mind but at the same time as if he was realising facts only in the moment of voicing them out. He listened to Taehyun in silence and attempted to give a reply, an advise. When unable to perfectly word what he wanted to say, he would stop the sentence midway through it, frown and lick his lips.

"But that was in our previous flat," he said, then closed his mouth, frowned and licked his upper lip. "Because when he was just starting in the hospital, like you are now, he moved in to my place. Then we moved out together after his promotion. He's renting the flat himself." With the cigarette, he pointed at the fourth floor where Taehyun had just been to.

Part of Taehyun's way of seeing Haesol was through the way he talked and what he said. How well he remembered things and in what specific and pretty words he put them.

"So how did you first meet?" Haesol looked at him over his glasses, as if he didn't believe the question to be serious. "I'm just curious. If it's nothing top-secret."

"Unspectacular. A club party, November or December, our friends introduced us. When we met again, I asked him out because he looked at me like he was interested."

Taehyun smiled a little. It was pleasant when they lasted, all the mini-conversations through the cigarette smoke, but somehow, in the back of his head, Taehyun was distinctly aware that it wouldn't be like this forever. Just like he knew that with his lovers. Because Haesol seemed the kind of man that can disappear when you're not looking.

 

 

 

 

Funny thing was, how all these new encounters and stability of the affair, with Haesol always present in Taehyun's thoughts, should have made sex less frantic. It would usually get planned, sure, but the excitement came from other things. Muffled moans and covered mouths in on-call rooms, to be precise. One thing that hadn't changed.

“I think you will need this.” Mino tossed him his name batch, still shirtless himself. They must have been fucking for at least good half an hour, their quick sessions never so quick. Mino loved to touch and to kiss, lately with much more eagerness and heat than before, for which Taehyun did not go against at all.

“What would I do without you, Mr Song.” It was just a silly teasing phrase that slipped out of Taehyun’s mouth, him still fixing his messy hair. However, to Mino, it must have sounded rather suggestive as he crushed Taehyun into another kiss, hand clutching his neck, their teeth clashing once for it seemed like the surgeon failed to hide his smile. Taehyun wasn’t sure what was so special about it, but to have Mino hot and horny for him felt nice. And right that moment, whilst his lips were moving on their own, Taehyun couldn‘t help but wonder how exactly kisses between Mino and Haesol looked. Where each of them touched, how tousled blond hair got, full lips bruised and swollen.

Just as he was about to get rid of his clothes again, Mino lightly pushed him back, both of them panting. “I really need to go or I’m going to be in trouble. Let’s continue tonight?”

“Sure.” Taehyun found it rather difficult to get certain images out of his head, Mino’s mumbling about his unusually quiet pager not entirely registered. A quick thought of them meeting at the flat crossed his mind, and not just the two of them meeting.

“Oh no no.” The surgeon’s voice suddenly changed, movements rushed and that pleased smile gone. “Fucking hell.”

“What’s wrong?” Taehyun carefully glanced at Mino as the man opened the door of the on-call room, their agreed carefulness and delicacy completely ignored.

“Patient's been under cardiac arrest for a while now and my fucking sound was off.” The man rushed out, leaving Taehyun with his, once again, messy hair. He felt a rush of adrenaline, picking up his lab coat and running after Mino rather excited for the case.

But the things were not as exciting as they sounded. When Taehyun got there, the situation was unsalvable: Mino’s bloody gloves, him pumping the patient‘s chest with ferocity and some hardly noticeable doctor shouting in his ear. Mino’s face was completely blank, his hair now covering his eyes and every muscle tensed. In any other occasion, Taehyun would have had thought how sexy this Mino was, but right that moment he knew that they have completely fucked up.

After the time of death was announced, Mino pulled the gloves off with disgust and stormed out, this being him last seen for the day. Taehyun felt awfully responsible. Whenever he had a chance, he looked for Mino in the canteen, in his favourite laboratory, even in their usual on-call rooms, but it was all of no avail.

By the time Taehyun’s shift finished, he was getting really worried. He had thoughts of calling Haesol and checking if Mino was back home somewhat both wanting to hear that calming voice and feeling like he owed the man an apology, maybe both of them. Interfering with work was the last thing he had wanted, a dying patient being the worst case scenario.

 

 

 

 

So with the feel of guilt he was standing in front of their flat’s door, just an hour later.

Heasol had a very casual look, some rarely seen reading glasses on, his blond hair down. He stood tall against Taehyun, one hand that was almost fully covered by a long white sweater still holding the door handle.

“I didn‘t know you were coming today.”

Taehyun brushed his hair from his face. He tried to glance behind Haesol‘s back, but the man did not budge, surely not too pleased with an uninvited guest.

“Is Mino home?”

“He hasn‘t come back yet, no.”

Taehyun cussed, his breath sharp. He checked his cell, movements a little bit frantic. There were no missed calls, meaning his phone must have been still off.

The next question from Haesol's side came unexpected. "Are you okay?" So unexpected that Taehyun forgot why he was checking his phone in the first place. Haesol looked at him with something similar to care, at least that was what he wanted to see at that moment.

"Yes. I mean no, I don't know. A patient died. Mino... Well, he didn't take it so well. I thought he'd be home at this hour."

Haesol sighed. "You are going to be a surgeon, these things happen." He seemed so confident and sympathetic, voice nonchalant at his boyfriend's mention, like he'd done this before way too many times. Taehyun knew that sympathy existed only as long as the man didn't know the rest of the details. And however pleasing it was to be liked by Haesol, Taehyun couldn't help, but have the next words pour out of him.

"But it was his patient and it was our fault completely. We messed it up. I messed it up.”

"Our fault?" As expected, a change in Haesol's face was like day and night. His posture was still calm, but lips pressed together, knuckles maybe whitened a little from squeezing the door handle. Taehyun realised a long time ago that noticing all those things was not normal.

He turned around from Taehyun, fingers on his tensed forehead. He walked back and forth, clearly calming down either his anger or stress, Taehyun couldn't really tell that much.

As the silence prolonged, Haesol lifted his eyebrows impatiently. "What's 'our fault', Taehyun? What the hell happened?" He asked again, but Taehyun still struggled to open his mouth. The situation wasn't as awful before as it was now with Haesol knowing about it and judging him. There was something in the man's look that made Taehyun feel more like a child caught doing things against the rules. Everywhere the rules. His rules and Haesol's, and a whole lot of mess.

Haesol clicked his tongue and swung the door open. "Get in." His voice sounded rough and cold, just like the first time they met.

Taehyun followed the command crossing the doorstep and removing his shoes. The apartment was squeaky clean as though no one actually lived in it, but he noticed a pile of books on the living room's sofa, a mug with a brew of some sort that was probably cold by now, a pleasant scent. Maybe there was mild music playing too, but Taehyun was too distracted to hear it. He walked in slowly, welcomed by a sense of being small. He would prefer the circumstances of the meeting to be far different from the current ones.

"Sit down," Haesol's voice came from behind his back.

Taehyun shook his head. "I'm okay."

So instead they both stood. Haesol by the doorframe, arms crossed, and Taehyun two steps from the sofa. He suspected that the situation might have been different if he didn't try so hard not to annoy the man, if he didn't keep on thinking about his reaction.

"What did you do?"

"We were together when he was paged. We didn't hear and then there was nothing that could be done for the patient." It was so simple yet with Haesol's expression so important.

"You were together?"

"Yeah, I mean it that way. We had sex and that's when the guy started dying."

The following silence was significant. They looked at each other but didn't say a word. It lasted long enough for Haesol to slowly approach Taehyun with his both eyebrows furrowed in a way that only his steps against the carpet were audible.

When he eventually spoke up, he was already standing a step away and, once again, Taehyun could start counting the moles round his lips. Big, red lips. "I gave you all the freedom to keep doing whatever both of you are doing, didn't I?"

Taehyun nodded and the air between their faces fluttered.

"You have Mino all to yourself, whenever you want it and yet you have to mess with his job? I thought I could trust you with this one thing."

"I didn't do it on purpose."

"How can you even work when all you think of is screwing? What's going to happen? Did someone see you?"

Taehyun awkwardly half-smiled while dropping his eyes to the floor, and then took a step back. Not because he didn't want Haesol standing this close to him, but as an unconscious response to the man's approach. "No one saw us. Mino had to talk to some people about it. Worst case scenario, he can get sued for his inaction. In the end, the guy was his patient."

Haesol's voice grew sharper. "One moment he promises to me that he wouldn't meet with you again. And then he's back to lying. Even when we have our promise, he keeps on screwing you during his working hours. You don't think you should take responsibility?"

"Partially. But maybe he wouldn't need to do all the things with me if he could do them with his boyfriend. What you think?"

And that crossed the invisible line that kept Haesol collected.

In a split of a second, the moment the last of Taehyun's spontanous words left his mouth, Haesol's hand slapped him in the face.

It was loud. Taehyun's head tilted to one side under the force of the blow, his black hair scattered over his forehead and the growing welt on his cheek in one moment stung as hell. Just as he was moving his hand to touch the skin, so surprised that not quite believing in what was happening, Haesol made the last two steps and closed the distance that divided their bodies. His both hands found their way up and the long, bony fingers grabbed Taehyun's chin, pulling him closer and preventing him from speaking up. Through a kiss.

Haesol kissed him.

Their lips crushed together and Taehyun couldn't back away from it. With Haesol's fingers painfully digging into his chin, he took a single breath and Haesol's tongue was already inside his mouth, moving quickly in the same angry way that his words sounded and his eyes shone.

Because of Taehyun's last attempt at yanking away they wrestled towards the sofa and then fell onto it, pushing the pile of books down. Taehyun didn't register their crash against the floor, as there must have been one, since all he could hear was his own heart pounding and Haesol's loud breathing against his mouth. He tried to say something, but got hushed, and when Haesol touched him through his jeans, it all didn't matter anymore. The door might have been open and Mino could have walked in any moment, but suddenly there was nothing more than Haesol straddling his thighs and forcing more angry kisses into his mouth.

There was no way he could stop it.

Even through the fog in his mind, the huge mess of contradicting thoughts and the details noticed the very last moment, like the smell of Haesol's cologne or the hot touch of his lips, he knew that he wanted to be in the centre of attention. He wanted for the things to keep revolving around him more than anything else. And he definitely wanted to do it with Haesol.

 

 

 

 

Truth be told, there wasn't much affection in the gesture. He gave Taehyun the cigarette only so that they could both smoke instead of talking. A way to shut Taehyun's mouth now that the sex was over. A safe solution to prevent an impending awkward moment he wouldn't like.

He brought the match to the cigarette which was already in Taehyun's mouth and lit it up the same way he had done it by the trash can, Taehyun's eyes looking at him from this close and making one more shudder run down his spine. Or maybe it was just the cold in the room, nothing about Taehyun. Then, they were both sitting naked on the sofa, with big enough space between them. Taehyun had one leg folded under him. He was skinny and pale, just like Haesol, some traces of their mixed come still to be spotted on his stomach, and when he smoked he kept his innocently interested eyes on Haesol.

Haesol could swear there was a peculiar kind of sparkle coming to the man's eyes each time a new question crossed his mind, all of the questions then stopped and suppressed before even reaching the throat. Because Haesol didn't want them to talk. It felt unnecessary and wrong because this whole thing happened out of his vengeance and hurt pride, which he couldn't fully comprehend yet and didn't like in himself.

He thought that Taehyun wouldn't have gotten him turned on at all if he wasn't Mino's lover and the realisation made him feel a little ashamed. That's why he kept the situation silent. Picked up his briefs from the floor, then his trousers, feeling Taehyun's stare on his back as he stood up pulling them up his legs. Other thoughts crossed his mind, whether Taehyun possibly compared him to Mino, both physically and emotionally, perhaps at the moment, right now, whether he also did it all only because of Mino.

Taehyun reached with one hand to the bedside table to flicker the ash into an almost-half empty glass of water. Then came back to watching Haesol cross the room and enter the bathroom. From the bathroom, Haesol said, "You know where everything is. You can take a shower if you want."

Back in the room, still sitting on the bed but craning his neck in order to see Haesol throw the condom into a bin, Taehyun didn't reply and didn't ask what would they do if Mino came in.

 

 

 

 

"I've been to Seunghoon's," Mino announced as he came back home, only the following morning. Stepping into the kitchen, he smelled of vodka but didn't look hungover, hair dishevelled and one-night stubble on his face. Mino's drinking nights with friends. He never drank much, sometimes wouldn't drink at all, but just the company of alcohol in general made his best meetings.

"You're sure not a whole night long session with Taehyun?"

Mino smiled awkwardly. He looked sick, also tired. The way he tried to open the kitchen cupboard two times in a row before finally managing made him seem older and inept. Pitiful.

"I would have told you," he replied. Haesol realised that he was searching for painkillers. "That was the deal, right? I would have told you."

"I'm sure you would have." Haesol's voice sounded dry but Mino didn't pay attention as he was busier with the painkillers. That's when Haesol realised that it wasn't that difficult, actually, to have cheated and keep it a secret. He didn't feel guilty, not the slightest bit. And even more than that, it seemed like he had an advantage over Mino. "How was your job yesterday?"

"Why asking?"

"Did something happen that you went with Seunghoon to drink and didn't make it back home?" This time, the accusation was clear.

"Of course not."

"Nothing in work that you would like to share?"

And right then Mino's figure turned around, throwing that annoyed baby stare at Haesol's face, the prelude to his real anger. He looked awfully tired, like he hadn't had a wink of sleep throughout the night, but Haesol wouldn't feel sorry. Not this time.

"My job is the only thing you care about, right?" Mino's voice sounded complainingly. "I mean, of course. Someone has to pay for your fancy flat, that failing clinic and all the unpaid conferences abroad."

And, actually, turned out the words touched Haesol on the raw. He frowned.

"It was you who told me that I should develop in the field."

Mino was now standing with his lower back against the kitchen unit, one hand holding a glass of water, the other clutching at the edge of the furniture, as if to hold back.

"Because I thought that you loved this," he said, suddenly in such a hostile voice that could only be used when speaking of a person who's absent. As if it wasn't about Haesol but someone else who would never know about their conversation. "Now I think it's just an excuse not to see me. You're always busy with this shit and I can't even come close."

Haesol stood up and placed his both fists on the surface of the table, leaning forwards.

"Oh right," he blurted out in a mocking way. "Because you always think that my job isn't even half as important as yours, you god damn surgeon."

"I'm saving lives," he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Typical Mino. That proud lying sack of shit.

"Or you're not because you're too busy fucking your interns."

A pause. Mino reflected.

"What are you talking about?"

"I've spoken to Taehyun." Mino looked surprised but the surprise didn't stop his anger from furrowing his dark, thick eyebrows and dragging the corners of his mouth down. "He was worried about you after your patient died while you were screwing. What a great example you are, you attending."

"You're not being serious."

"I can tell you more. We screwed too, Mino. We fucked on the sitting room sofa."

And then, after a few seconds of absorbing the information, Mino's face completely changed. All of his features softened and then tensed again in a completely different expression, one of the utter disbelief. And betray, that too. One last moment, mouth moving awkwardly, he asked, "What?" as if genuinely hoping for an explanation that would change the situation one hundred eighty degrees. As if he had misheard.

"If you thought that's special between the two of you, forget it. Taehyun just likes fucking older guys like you. So he fucked me too."

Mino opened his mouth but didn't say a word more. He was now holding the glass with both hands, as if afraid one wouldn't be strong enough to bear the weight. And he was staring at Haesol, like that stupid baby that didn't understand.

"Doesn't feel good, does it?" Only as he was leaving the kitchen and Mino inside it, he felt regretful for a brief moment.

 

 

 

 

It was Haesol who contacted Taehyun first.

They met in the same café as the previous time, Haesol coming twenty minutes before the appointed hour, Taehyun ten minutes late. They ordered coffee without saying anything for the first half an hour, only catching glimpses of each other's faces over the round table like it was a few months and not just two days after.

Taehyun could tell that the man was looking uncomfortable, a reaction Taehyun hadn't received before from any man he had been with. The waiter brought their orders.

"He's angry that we had sex," Haesol finally spoke up. The he meant Mino. Obviously they were talking about Mino. This whole meeting could be only about that.

Taehyun took a moment to analyse the expression on the man's face and to decide on the right thing to say, the kind of thing that Haesol would like to hear. But as he couldn't guess, he only shrugged his shoulders. "That's a bit unfair, right? I mean he had sex with me so why wouldn't you."

Haesol frowned at his words. He was holding the cup in his hands, in this small, delicate way, his beautiful fingers. Taehyun thought about the fingers with a warm feeling in his chest, before Haesol cut through his thoughts.

"No, he's right. It's against the rules. The rules were I agreed that he sleeps with you, not that we both sleep with you."

And it was the first time Taehyun actually felt bad about having sex with someone and being treated like an object that could be passed from one person to another. He blushed a little on his ears but the hair must have covered that. He cleared his throat trying to stop the feeling from influencing his voice.

"Honestly, I think it was actually the point," Haesol continued. "Cheating and making him angry. Because I was angry as hell."

"You wanted to make it equal?" When Taehyun asked the question, Haesol smiled in that complicated way. Taehyun thought it was complicated because part of Haesol must have been embarrassed, yet another part proud that his actions were understood by Taehyun. The smile disappeared as soon as it happened.

"That's why I'm sorry. I acted like an arsehole. I didn't ask for your permission and I was just... rough in general."

Taehyun shrugged. For a moment, he stopped moving the spoon inside his cup of coffee, and with his eyes on Haesol's, he said, "I came twice without touching myself. I think that speaks for itself." Behind his glasses, Haesol's eyes looked away to the side. "The first time Mino slept with me, it was cheating as well."

Haesol nodded. There was a longer silence before he replied, a big frown crossing his forehead and one vein popping out with the expression. "But it's not the same. Because I'm not Mino."

And that was the problem. That was the reason why it all felt so damn painful all of a sudden. The moment when Taehyun realised that he liked Haesol too damn much to be just someone to have sex with.

He went back to making circles with the spoon and pushing the foam around. He didn't want the coffee but Haesol had insisted on buying him one. Turned out it was difficult to say no, like it was difficult not to agree with the man.

"He spent the whole night at his friend's place," Haesol said, back to speaking of Mino. "That coward. He would have never mentioned what happened if I hadn't told him that I already knew. Just like he would have never told me about you if I hadn't met you."

As Taehyun continued with the circles, he touched the coffee foam with the tip of his finger and then quickly wiped it against his jacket. Since they were sitting in the smoking area, Haesol had brought the cigarettes out of the pocket of his shirt and was now lighting up another one. A funny thought at the back of Taehyun's head, that Mino wouldn't come here for that specific reason, but it felt like he had already done.

Mouth around his cigarette, Haesol went on speaking, "If he got fired, I wouldn't know that either. That's how much I am given now." Irritated. Taehyun felt disappointed that he wasn't the reason of the emotion.

"Do you love him?"

"Of course." No pause. As if he didn't pay the slightest attention to the question. An obvious thing. "There are still some of his friends that don't know about us. Sometimes I feel like he just doesn't want people to know." Taehyun watched as Haesol's hand reached for the ashtray that stood on Taehyun's side of the table. He tapped the ash into it. He was speaking in a rush, as if voicing the thoughts that were just crossing his mind, angry at some times, and then interchangeably not. "Supposedly he told his parents we're together. I can't be sure of that. I've seen them once and we haven't been even introduced."

Taehyun couldn't know how exactly he got to the point of catching Haesol lick his lips as he was nervous and make that particular movement when flickering the ashes, fingers brushing. The next drag on the cigarette that Haesol took was the opportunity for Taehyun to reply what he had been waiting for. With the first traces of annoyance gathering in his voice, he asked, "Why are you telling me all of this?"

A pause. They had been in the café for more than an hour already even though it didn't feel like it. Taken off-guard by the sudden question, Haesol opened his mouth, last blurry threads of smoke escaped, then closed and said, "I don't know. I need someone to talk. I don't know what to do." And he sounded honest about it.

"Right. You're worrying about your relationship falling apart."

"Let's not act like you didn't take part in it. That's what happened. He's in love with you now."

Taehyun felt the annoyance spread across his face, bringing his eyebrows together and making his eyes get narrower. "I didn't do anything to make Mino think that I want a relationship with him. From the very beginning, I made it clear it was just sex. It was his idea to do it again and it was his idea to move it to your flat."

"I know that. I'm not saying you provoked him--"

"Provoked him? I did. I provoked him to fuck me in the on-call room, not to like me. And it also wasn't me who decided to make it the norm while knowing it was a shitty idea."

"I'm sorry."

"You're always sorry to me, but with him I don't think you talk at all. I've heard all about this."

Haesol couldn't reply. It seemed that the statement made him think about something intensively but he wasn't able to get himself to react to it in any way. Instead, he looked at Taehyun with a questioning glance of those beautiful eyes.

"Remember when I said that I don't get emotional with guys?" Haesol opened his mouth but didn't let out a word. "Forget it. I think I've already begun to like you too much."

"Taehyun..."

"It's not your fault. I mean you didn't do it intentionally. You've said that I'm young and haven't met the right man, and I think you must be the exact kind I didn't know that existed. All those talks by the trash bin, I thought speaking to you was different." He sniggered. "He said that to me as well. Your boyfriend. He said that I'm the only one who listens to him like this."

Haesol's mouth, his big, eye-catching lips, did not move and his eyes did not leave Taehyun's face even for a second, as if it was necessary to see the words actually come out of Taehyun's mouth for them to be true. In his hand, the ash which collected at the edge of the cigarette crumbled and fell onto the saucer.

"Taehyun," he finally spoke and even in that moment, Taehyun's name sounded pleasant to the ear. "You know that I'm taken. You know that me and Mino..."

Taehyun made a short, ill-timed laugh before replying, "I know that you would have never had sex with me if it wasn't for Mino. We wouldn't have met and you wouldn't have talked to me."

"I wasn't looking for a partner. I never said I was."

"The truth is you're just telling me all that, all your problems with Mino, because you think I don't care and you would never tell them directly to him. You're the coward because you're so damn scared he would leave you." He silenced Haesol's attempt to cut in. "There's more. I fucking wish he did because then I wouldn't have to pretend that everything's fine." After those words, he stood up from the table, making his chair creak against the floor. "Thanks for the coffee, Haesol."

 

 

 

 

Mino watched him leave the flat in the Saturday evening.

Six pm, dark outside, he was sitting behind his desk in the living room when Haesol's figure appeared in the corridor. Nicely dressed, perfumed. He stood with his back to Mino and started putting his coat on. It looked as if he had a meeting planned which Mino didn't know about and couldn't ask. He saw Haesol tuck his blond hair behind his ear and fix the collar of his coat while looking at the reflection in the mirror. Mino didn't say anything. They had stopped talking altogether since the last argument and Haesol's confession.

When the door closed with a silent click, the feeling came back straight to Mino's chest. That aggressive affection of a rejected lover. But on the contrary, in his head, there was a mess of negatively charged memories, as if with his whole will he was actively attempting to tame the longing for the man.

The tragic and shameful thing he had become aware of was that he didn't want Taehyun anymore and, in fact, had never wanted. All along, it was all about Haesol and ways in which he could make Mino feel like a piece of crap.

He was alone, once again. Just like he had been during the conference. Or maybe as he had been this whole time, part of him.

Some moments that now came back to his memory.

When he was still a resident and dating Haesol so secretly as if they weren't dating at all, not ready to tell his friends nor to be seen in a restaurant together. He needed a new place to rent and Haesol proposed that he could move in to his flat. Mino's first reaction was panic because it sounded too real and too serious. He had never lived with any of his ex-girlfriends.

Two days into their sharing the flat together, Mino remembered that vividly, Haesol was standing by the kitchen counter in his briefs and with a bathrobe on, skinny chest showing. He had a mug with tea in his hands and he watched Mino prepare pancakes for the supper before asking, "So what do I tell your friends? Are we just flatmates?" smile in his voice.

Mino remembered that he had burned the pancakes.

He looked over his shoulders and Haesol crossed his arms. Long legs, bare feet, tiny toes tapping the floor tiles. He seemed so shy then, the kind of shyness Mino found attractive. When Mino said that yes, he wanted them to be boyfriends, just take it slowly, Haesol put the mug on the counter. He came up to Mino and kissed him. Kissing, they both forgot about the pancakes.

Sometimes they would cuddle on the sofa. He held Haesol tight and it felt like he could surround him with his arms completely, arm-squeeze. At some point, most often but not always, Haesol would stop the cuddle before it evolved into something bigger, in that flirty, unavailable way that Mino couldn't help but feel attracted by. For some time.

Another moment he remembered, when lying in bed, two years into their relationship. It was midnight or one am, and at this point he already knew that Haesol's sex drive was lower than his own. It felt as if it was always Mino initiating sexual activity, not the other way around. He moved closer and under the duvet put his hand on Haesol's hips. The man wasn't sleeping. He asked a question, Mino said he was horny. The exact word. Horny. Haesol made a single laugh in a sleepy voice. He said Mino could deal with that alone, and Mino asked what he meant by that.

"Jerk off," Haesol's whisper cut through the dark in the bedroom. "If you want, you can just jerk off."

"In bed?"

"Yes, in bed."

Moments later, Mino caught himself half sitting and staring at where he believed Haesol's head was lying on the pillow, even though he couldn't see anything. As if he wanted to spot the expression on the man's face because the sound of his voice and the words it formed weren't enough. He seemed tired, probably said that only out of politeness and not because he really meant it.

Part of their relationship, it turned out, was that Mino often felt embarrassed. The fact that he wanted it and Haesol didn't always made him uneasy.

Haesol's whisper came again. "You can kiss me if you want. When you're doing it."

Mino asked if he was sure, Haesol said as long as he wouldn't get the sheets dirty. Didn't sound like enough words of encouragement but he didn't have much choice. He got his hand into the pyjama bottoms and started touching himself. The bed was creaking as he moved, in the otherwise complete silence around. When he was finally coming, it was only because he could smell Haesol's body lying next to him, and hear Haesol take a single louder breath. Then it was over and he felt horrible.

Just like he felt now.

When the door closed and Haesol was no longer in the flat, Mino could feel his hands move quicker than he could control them. He pushed the pile of documents to the floor. Some of them floated in the air for a moment or two before falling a couple steps from the desk. The ballpen hit the floorboards with a crack. One single burst of anger, then he placed his elbows on the desk and hid his face in both hands.

If there was a reason, he assumed it must have been on his side.

 

 

 

 

Haesol was the first man to whom Taehyun gave his address.

Looking at his shoes and smelling of perfumes, Haesol stood with one hand against the doorframe to Taehyun's flat and seemed more annoyed than happy to have had come. They both knew it made no sense and that it was one of the last few meetings for them, if not the final one. Taehyun was wearing a pair of tracksuit bottoms and had his hair tied up in a ponytail. Haesol looked professional, as always.

They didn't say hello. When coming in, two steps into the corridor, Haesol didn't even give Taehyun a glance in the face. Then the door closed and he simply pushed Taehyun against them, starting to kiss him. Like all the kisses from Haesol, from the first one to the last, it felt like all the jealous anger in his mouth and coming to Taehyun's. Some biting, strong hands holding the cheeks.

When he stopped and took a step back, he had a nervous expression on his face. Taehyun asked if he shouldn't be doing it with Mino now.

Haesol said, "You're not Mino."

"You're not going to meet with me again?" Haesol shook his head no, decisively. "I want to keep it honest so I won't get more disappointed than I already am."

"I think you're smart enough to look for what you need." In just one moment, matter of seconds, Haesol got that aura of an authority figure, body clad in layers of fabric. Taehyun appreciated his last effort to look good for their meeting. "I don't worry about you, but I still feel bad with how that has to end."

"I liked being the one rejecting others." He didn't move from before the door, as if getting ready to let Haesol leave any moment. Attentively, he watched Haesol pace around and look at the room. Haesol had that interest towards the things around him. Thoughtful eyes. "It doesn't feel as good when you're the rejected one."

"It's the way you see it."

"You have Mino, Mino has you. I can't squeeze into this. I was angry in the café, but now I'm fine." To some extent.

Haesol dropped his coat onto the kitchen stool. Black shirt tucked into the jeans. He turned to Taehyun and came up again, another series of kisses to follow, this time slower and more emotional. Haesol produced that particular sweet moan Taehyun remembered from the last time. Haesol wanted to meet, Taehyun couldn't refuse. "I get why Mino liked it so much. Feels alright to have sex after those years." Taehyun didn't understand everything but suspected all that was necessary. Then, hands making their way from Taehyun's cheeks, down his jaw and neck, Haesol spoke up again, "I'm really sorry. I wanted to say that to you."

When Haesol's hands slipped under his t-shirt, he took hold of them and stopped their way at the bottom of his belly. He knew he would be quick to get turned on and didn't want that. "I appreciate your official farewell, but it would better if you just left." He liked the feeling of Haesol's hands in his hands, then slowly took them away from his skin. "Won't be easier to explain it to Mino if you make the mistake twice."

Haesol closed his eyes and frowned. "I don't know how to do that."

"Talk to him?"

"I just don't know." One of Taehyun's hands found itself on Haesol's forehead. He pushed a few strands of hair behind Haesol's ear.

That was the last meeting. Taehyun knew he didn't want to see him again and it was a mutual feeling.

 

 

 

 

Mino gave it one week more before he realised he wouldn't be able to stand living this way any longer. The loop of rehashing.

It was a sudden thought. Crossed his mind in the middle of dinner as he wordlessly shared the kitchen with the blond-haired stranger known as his boyfriend, preparing food. He felt like needed to say something, anything, otherwise the silence would make him grow dizzy. He needed to know how was the day at work, if something interesting happened to Haesol's friends, he wanted to mention a story from the hospital, a surgery he was proud of. But none of the things could be said.

He looked across the table as Haesol sipped at a mug of tea, his plate untouched, chopsticks clean. Haesol had the look of someone who wasn't present at all. Someone who wouldn't leave because he had never been there in the first place.

"So what? Now Taehyun makes love to you? Is he better than I could be?" Childish as they were, the words passed the exact thought that was on Mino's mind throughout the days. His jealous why not me of someone who knew he had never satisfied his partner.

Haesol looked at him with surprise. Not at the question, but in general, because of something being actually said aloud between them. Part of Mino hoped that he could also see relief. Part of Mino felt like he hadn't said the words at all, but only yelled them inside his mind like all this time he had been doing.

But the sound made the reality reestablish itself. Haesol's jaw moved as he fidgeted with some words inside his mouth, eyebrows furrowed in an expression of judgment Mino didn't know towards whom or what. "I topped him, not the other way around."

Mino stopped a stupid "oh" from escaping his mouth. Already at the very beginning, he was wrong, Haesol was right. He wasn't ready for the facts to change. He said, "But I thought you weren't into sex much. Like, it wasn't your thing." The expression of judgment growing more serious on Haesol's face suddenly annoyed him. "You think you can fuck Taehyun and that's fine?"

Haesol put his mug down onto the table. "Why wouldn't it be fine?" It sounded like a dare.

"So what? Are you going to explain it to me or you think I'm too stupid?" He was standing by the table and now put his hand on the back of the chair, gripping it hard. "Was that about bottoming the whole time? You're not into it and you didn't think it was necessary to tell me?"

"Do you always talk just about sex?" The question as the tone used to say it, it made Mino feel sick to his stomach. The thing he was afraid the most was to be thought as the one obsessed with sex.

He stood frozen beside the table, fingers holding the edge of the chair so tight his knuckles grew pale. With his neck hot red but eyes looking straight into Haesol's, he asked, "Do I disgust you?"

The stubborn anger suddenly dropped from Haesol's face. "What do you mean?"

"Do you find me physically unattractive, that's what I mean. What else could I mean."

"Why would I?"

He pushed the chair towards the table. It creaked against the floor. "How the fuck am I supposed to know that? Aren't you expecting a little too much from me?" Before Haesol could open his mouth again, he continued, "If I'm so damn stupid to you, how can you expect I read your goddamn mind, Kim Haesol?"

Haesol's face became unreadable for a brief moment, the second he heard his full name from Mino's lips, the first time since he couldn't remember when. Then, he furrowed his eyebrows again and Mino realised it annoyed him to bits. His way of frowning, the superior look from his eyes, his lips pursing. Everything about him.

When Haesol finally spoke, it cut straight through Mino's angry thoughts. "It was never enough for you what I had to offer, right? How can you ask me--"

Mino's hand then slammed against the table's surface and it made Haesol twitch. It was getting serious and Mino felt the sudden surge of fear that he was going to lose it. Lose the control now and then lose the whole fight.

"Now you're going to blame me?"

"I thought you just," Haesol stopped, rephrased the thought in his mind. "That you didn't mind that we didn't do... everything." The way Haesol's voice lost some of its certainty midway through speaking sent a twinge of guilt to Mino's mind but it didn't stop him from attacking again.

"Every god damn time I was dying to do this with you, and every time you pushed me away." Now that he was saying it aloud, the shame hit him with more force than ever and quickly fuelled his anger. But Haesol, the words didn't seem to impress him much. "Was that fun for you? Was that exactly what you wanted? To see me being such a damn naive idiot so then you could leave me rock hard?"

"You've never said anything--" He intended to stand up, but as his words were interrupted, he instantly sit back down.

"Great. So now shut the fuck up and let me say everything. I've been waiting five fucking years and you've never said why you don't want me to make love to you. So now I'm asking. What's the damn difference between me and Taehyun?"

"I've never said I didn't want--"

"And I said shut the fuck up," he repeated, this time on the border of yelling. His voice was firm and deep, but he was afraid it could break any moment soon, as he looked at Haesol's face. "Suddenly you're so talkative, huh? But if I didn't start now, you would just stay silent with me for weeks, that's how little you actually care about my opinion and my whole existence in this place."

"You're ridiculous." This time, Haesol scrumbled to his feet and Mino responded slamming the table again. Something fell to the floor. Judging from the sound, a spoon or a chopstick, Haesol couldn't even know. Everything seemed behind the fog, only Mino's figure in full focus. The centre of everything.

Through that fog, he started moving towards the kitchen door, not fast, slow, angry steps. Mino followed him.

"Are you running away already? Going to hide in your study? Want me to walk on eggshells around you like always?" Mino's face was furious, its skin caramel but still visibly red with anger. His words reached Haesol from behind as he continued his steps down the corridor. He wasn't going anywhere, he just felt the need to move that burned him from the inside. "I hate it when you expect me to keep silent for the whole day just because. I hate it when you pretend you don't see that I'm dying to kiss you before you leave to work. And I hate when you just laugh it off every time I propose to suck you off or do anything else related to sex. I feel like I've never managed to satisfy your needs and now you're just tired of waiting."

That was when Haesol stopped. He turned around, already standing behind the doorstep to their bedroom where the last couple of weeks Haesol had slept on his own.

"You know that's not true."

"How am I supposed to know? That's the fucking point, Haesol." Mino gestured with his hands in a violent manner that made Haesol take one more step back. "I slept with my intern because I felt like I shouldn't expect anything from you. You made me feel guilty for owning a dick."

Haesol's eyebrows dropped. "Stop acting like you didn't fall in love with him."

Mino made a step and two, towards Haesol. Haesol didn't move this time. "The biggest fucking disappointment. Taehyun was a mistake. I felt like a piece of shit. And what did you do? You didn't give a damn."

"I was hurt," the sentences slipped out of Haesol's mouth clearly before he thought it through. Mino blinked his eyes. "But I didn't want to stop you from doing something you couldn't do with me."

"And why is that so?" The change in Mino's voice, now slightly more curious than angry, made Haesol quickly change the subject. A power grab.

"You've never introduced me to your parents. Do they know that I exist?"

The question came out of nowhere and it took Mino a moment to put the words together and reflect. "Why is that important?"

"You know it's important to me. We've visited your family just once."

"Four years passed and they still think it's a damn joke. Do you think you would change their minds? Was I supposed to willingly look at how they treat you like shit?"

"How about that college friend of yours? That was a year ago. You've said we were flatmates. After four years, you still introduced me as your flatmate."

Mino produced a loud snigger. "You didn't even comment on that. How the fuck was I supposed to know it bothered you?"

Haesol didn't reply. It came out of the blue that they now stood both silent.

Haesol's arms crossed against his chest, more as if he was hugging himself than just crossing them for the effect, he shook his head no, replying to some unknown question he had asked himself in his mind. His eyes were wandering around the bedroom floor. The flat they'd been living in for three years now. Their flat, their floor, their private space. Him and his boyfriend. It's just that he didn't know anymore. He didn't know Mino's reaction, the level of his anger, he didn't know how to minimise it. His perfectly controlled world was falling apart, and he had long lost the possibility to stop the process. He was there, in the moment where there were no rules and nothing went according to them, nothing was simply the repetition, nothing could be predicted based on the existing data. His body was shaking, his shallow breaths leaving his half open lips.

"It wasn't about you," he then spoke up, very quietly compared to his previous words. Mino attempted to catch his stare but it evaded the chase. "I had a bad experience bottoming and just didn't want it to happen again. Some of my exes would leave me exactly because I refused to bottom for them. Since you didn't say a word about it, I honestly thought you didn't care."

Mino's shoulders dropped as the tenseness in one brief moment escaped his whole body. When Haesol lifted his eyes, they made eye-contact and just looked at one another for a longer moment, as if passing the information with pupils had become easier than doing it through words. Mino ran a hand through his hair, then scratched his neck.

"I actually am stupid," he blurted out in a subdued voice. "I didn't think of it."

"Because I didn't tell you. It was my mistake." They lapsed into silence once again. Haesol might have waited for Mino's response, but as it didn't seem to come, he then continued, "I told Taehyun that I couldn't reciprocate his interest. You know, I'm not interested in anyone else."

Once again, the aggressive affection, intense warmth washed through Mino's body and he felt his face grow hot, in a different way than when asking accusatory questions. He took a step back so that he wouldn't stand on the verge of invading Haesol's private space, back behind the doorstep to the bedroom. Sharp-featured face, paper-thin arms, dark circles under the eyes. Mino knew all the details of that body, every patch of skin that he had seen but couldn't touch.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you," he mumbled.

Haesol's eyelashes fluttered over the rim of his glasses. "I like it when you're honest with me," he replied, "and when you say all that. It's because sometimes... I'm just unable to speak myself."

Their eye contact continuously broke apart and came back. One time, it would be Haesol who closed his eyes and took a deep breath, other time Mino would drop his eyes to the floor, realising he had so many things to say and most possibly just one chance. Seconds passed, or perhaps minutes. He moved forward so that he stood straight on the doorstep, with one hand holding the doorframe as if in need of support or perhaps to stop Haesol from an attempt to leave, or maybe both at the same time. "Completely honest now," he said. From all of the previous yelling, he found his voice hoarse. "I don't want to lose everything we've had those years. Think of it."

And the time slowed down again. There was a phone ringing, they ignored. An ambulance rushed down the road behind the bedroom window. Because Haesol didn't say anything, only standing in the exact same pose with his eyebrows furrowed, eyes fixed on one point on the floor, Mino felt something similar to cold sweat. He leaned with his back against the doorframe, crossed his arms and stooped. He knew he had to give him time. So that he could become able to speak. Long minutes went on, full of breath-taking and fingers tapping against the arm, before the response came from Haesol's side. And it wasn't what Mino expected.

The first piece of clothing that slumped over the floor was Haesol's jacket. The sound was almost soft, muted by the carpet. Haesol began to take off his clothes. His shirt was next, the series of buttons, each of them taking its time between Haesol's fingers, slow. Seeing his boyfriend suddenly half-naked, the chest bordering between just the right amount of skinny and too skinny, caught Mino stunned. "What are you doing?"

Then it was the trousers' turn. Belt, fly, they slid down the man's legs, Mino's favourite body part next to all the rest body parts that were his favourite. The exposed stomach tensed to the relatively cold air in the flat, and the thighs shivered seconds before Haesol stepped out of the trousers and took off both socks, one foot pushing the sock off the other foot.

When his hands began to roll the pants down his thighs, knees, ankles, he didn't look at Mino. The shape of his flaccid cock, the outline of his buttocks. Only once he was finished, the clothes lying in a pile one step away from his feet, he straightened his back, back-lit by the windows, and looked at Mino. It wasn't necessary for them to say anything. It was all in the eyes. One last moment, Zion took his glasses off and placed them on the shelf on his way to Mino's figure frozen by the door.

The way he moved was at the same time confident and with a bit of shyness. The moles around his lips, the dark shade of his eyes, thick lips. He didn't start it but allowed Mino to do so and kissed him back as soon as Mino's lips touched his. It was slow, thoughtful. The kind of touch that left Mino cautious of every next one. He didn't have to say it for Zion to know.

Zion's hands took care of Mino's clothes and before they reached the bed, slow steps like slow kisses, he was already bare-chested and breathless. With each following impulse that told him to speed up, he kept himself in check and he felt like Zion could see it in his eyes.

The one important moment he knew he would keep the memory of was Zion's legs over his back and arms around his neck, Zion's face right next to his own, eyes closed but lips open for a single, soundless moan that made a hot breath wash against Mino's cheek.

When it was finished and their heavy-breathing bodies lay on the bed, Mino saw a new smile come to Zion's lips. It caused his small eyes to shine. Zion's hand moved over the bed sheets and climbed up Mino's head to fix his black hair, pushing the sweaty strings off his forehead and stroking his skin in a caring way.

"I don't think I've been telling you that often enough. You're a very handsome man, Song Mino."

 


End file.
